Mirage.

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Spare a moment stranger, take a walk in my shoes,

Look through my eyes; see life the same way I do.

Past my lenses, tell me what you see,

Apart from your mind playing tricks on you.

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: AngelGanev 

 

*RANT INCOMING*

“No, you don’t know what people are thinking or feeling. Stop embarrassing yourself”

 

Sometimes people are prone to make assumptions on how those around them feel or think based on what they feel and think. It’s a gamble that sometimes results in someone’s assumptions being wrong or in the worst-case scenario, destructive. 

In cognitive behavioural therapy, this habit is referred to as a mind-reading error, the belief that you know what someone else thinks or feels. Furthermore, you make an assumption and then act on it without any solid evidence. This can cause problems in any relationship.

Often what people see in others is a reflection of their own thoughts and feelings. If you think you’re an idiot, you’re more prone to think others think the same thing about you. If you see everything as a competition, you’ll assume everyone else is competing with you. I don’t need to mention how much this pisses me off.

The other time I told someone I was depressed and they said “I know how you feel”, No, you don’t. What, you think I find comfort in numbers? You think just because I know someone else is going through something similar it will make everything alright? Ridiculous. That’s the equivalent of saying going to prison is nice because you’ll be surrounded by other prisoners.

Listen, I don’t care if you think I think nothing of you. I’m too caught up in trying not to off myself every night without having to doctor your perceptions of me.

I’m sorry I can’t listen to your long-winded explanation of things I already know or find inconsequential. I’m distracted by thoughts of how the other night I held a knife close to my wrist for an inexplicable amount of time.

I’m sorry you think I keep things from you because I’m afraid you’ll judge. I’m sorry you can’t see past being a presumptuous and manipulative bastard to listen when I say I don’t trust you or anyone else. Want to hear my secrets? Be my therapist. 

*sigh* 

Sometimes, dear reader. Sometimes, it’s just better to listen.

 

 

 

 

The Side They (Don’t) Like.

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I navigate the battlefield pacifying every ill-intender with a collection of Swords

Repeat the prior sentence without the first S

And you’ll bear witness to how it takes a pen, or even less

To bring to attention the distance that exists between you

And the unseen heights of my plateau.   

 

You shout all manner of things yet you know I can’t hear you

You’re all the way over there, and I’m over here

Layman terms for your planet and mine

Perhaps I ought to underline how aligned

I am to the stars. I’m not just another Leo,

I bear an unkempt mane

Thought formation teetering on insane

Why would I roar – when I need only soar,

Break the sky, and from space, re-arrange

My life’s pieces back into place.

 

Your awkward attempts to wither my flame 

Are about as unsightly

As witnessing a giraffe throw up – arduous and long –

Like the time it would take to break down

Exactly where you’re going wrong. 

 

See, with each subsequent step I take

The eye of the storm dilates

With each word, my thoughts levitate,

Marking yet another escape

From the self-sustaining prison

This world makes.

 

Your taxidermist has been stuffing you with garbage

Meanwhile, I jubilate to my bountiful literary harvest

Far-reaching words are at the tip of my tongue

Much like when I explore all your unseen bits

I promise, I never meant for any of this to sound erotic

It just tends to happen when you make a habit of being honest.

 

Look how considerate I am, 

Even skipping a line to let you catch your breath,

I run in parallel with a calmness 

Born from poetry and I being bound in marriage

I called myself a failure, but poetry was not having it

Master of the art, showing me how to repurpose

All of the Ls projected. Flipping them on their axis

Like another casual game of Tetris

Forming a continuous line, that in due time

Cancels itself out.

 

Still don’t believe in my prowess?

Tread the surface I ink for your enjoyment

A Mobius strip – It doesn’t matter where you begin

With each piece, with each end

I’ll keep you in the perceptual present.

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by:  AngelGanev  

 

 

 

 

 

Padding.

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I’m a writer. Of course — words mean everything to me.

It’s when your actions go against everything you say

That I, as a writer, can openly admit

That (your) “Words mean nothing to me”

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: GUWEIZ

 

I love you, yes you.

Totally unrelated, I know. But I also have nice things to say sometimes, dear reader.

Stay safe.

One Bad Day Away …

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“No man is an island”

I know, I know …

But it is too much to ask

To be part of an archipelago?

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: AngelGanev

 

It’s nice being part of a group that has it’s sh*t together. Or at the very least, a group of people that carry a healthy mindset (and set of values) when addressing issues. You don’t need to wander far to learn not all babies wear diapers. Some of them wake up and go to work just like we do.

Hold yourself responsible for your own thoughts, actions and emotions. As one of my good friends said, “it’s easy to think you’re a victim when you take more than you are due”. It’s an easy go-to strategy to rationalize your own insecurities without actually addressing the problem that starts with you. 

Trust me, you could die today and no religion would start after you’re gone. Relax and take each day as it comes.

 

Ridiculousiology (Final)

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*Ridiculousiology 1 * Ridiculousiology 2 Ridiculousiology (3): Friendly-fire edition*

 

Want to hear a joke?

Life, that’s what.

Fact is, anything can be funny.

You don’t have to believe what I say to be true.

You just have to change the context.

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: snatti89 

 

I find the philosophy of absurdism to be relatively comical, how humans seek to build meaning or find inherent value in a universe that is completely indifferent to their presence. Because the alternative is scary, isn’t it? Believing there’s nothing leaves you with nothing. If there’s no meaning to anything then there’s no point to anything. A nihilist’s wet dream for sure.

Life sucks (I know, ‘boo-hoo’ right?) everyone knows this but hear me out. Truth is, there is strength in rebelling against a seemingly ‘cursed’ fate such as this. By rebellion, I don’t mean being reckless, self-sabotage or suicide. 

See, I think of Sisyphus in this instance. For those that don’t know Sisyphus, he is a figure in Greek mythology who was punished by Zeus to forever roll a boulder up a hill. Every time he would push it to the top, it would roll down and he would have to do it again and again. This entire process can be likened to life in general. The end is sealed, we are not in control of this process. Our irrational universe is.

…. But the interesting thing to this story is how it proceeds beyond this point.

Sisyphus knowing his fate to be sealed, knowing there was no escape, did something that the Greek gods did not expect. He embraced his fate. Instead of toiling in misery and frustration over the boulder rolling down, he made a game out of it. He found ways to enjoy it, getting creative despite his circumstances. This is the rebellion I’m talking about. The gods were left furious and confused as the punishment did not achieve its intended purpose.

Life may suck sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy the view on the way down. Have fun. Do stupid things for the sake of it.

Just the other day I slept upside-down. Woke up confused, but that subtle change made all the difference for the rest of the day.

Hell, tomorrow I plan on brushing my teeth with my left (and weaker) hand. Why? Because I can. And because I’ll laugh at myself in the mirror.

And the day after? I’ll walk around my house nude, because why the hell not right?  

 

(Un)Ceremonious.

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She wanted the world,

And you thought your soul

Would be enough. 

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: snatti89 

 

 

 

Ridiculousiology (3): Friendy-Fire Edition.

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Art by: snatti89 

“Is Carol from management starting to get on your nerves? Is Dave asking you to go snowboarding again even though you got frostbite on the last slope? Is Janet not getting you that cardigan you’ve been requesting for your birthday since 8th grade?

Well, worry no longer because I’ve got you covered! I just happen to carry a set of standards so absurd all your friends will finally leave you alone. Because they’ll finally get the hint. That you’re insane” 

Ridiculousiology (1)

Ridiculousiology (2)

The theme for this entire series has been about the absurdity and or the ridiculous. Absurdity in everything really: from people being ridiculously presumptuous to curbing the temptation of falsifying delusional narratives formed by other people. When we get right down to it, life is just one ridiculous mess, isn’t it?

But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s take it back a notch.

I understand how absurd everything is when you take a closer look, but today I wanted to focus on myself. What, you thought I couldn’t run a self-introspection session? I know I can be ridiculous, difficult to peg. We’re all human, we’re all flawed in some way or another. But you know what, I don’t care. I’ll never settle when it comes to friendships because one: I’m stubborn and two I’m an idiot – some would even go as far as calling me an a**hole but hey, there’s no need for that language here dear sir/madame 🙂

The thing is, I see every relationship I bridge as a chosen struggle. It doesn’t matter which one it is; they’re all the same. Better to have no friends if you know you can’t deal with that crap on a daily, because guess what, everyone and their grandma are bringing baggage.

I realize the absurdity of the situation I’m putting forward here because I’m not perfect either. But here’s the loop, I’m perfect for me because I’m all I’ve got. I came into this world alone and I will die alone. I’m not being negative; I’m just giving you a spoiler.

Getting side-tracked again … 

I’m so bad at keeping friends that the ones I had, I started calling family; it was the only way I could put order to the chaos I had started. The numbers were dwindling so fast. The kind of stuff that happens after you get an existential crisis from taking too much [redacted], really reflecting over why you keep certain people in your life despite them bringing nothing.

Family can be a pain, but there’s something of a bond there. They can p*ss you off but at the end of the day they are still your family (doesn’t exempt them from being cut off though), don’t judge me; that failsafe is necessary in case anyone gets too excited. 

I have run through many meditation cycles and all of them conclude that by traditional standards, I am a terrible friend. Oh so terrible, and I agree.

I can forget your birthday, I can afford not to talk to you for months or even years, I don’t share my personal life with you, I don’t want you near my house, I don’t want to come anywhere near yours, I’ll forget the names of your other friends as fast as you tell them  to me. And if I have a wedding (strong IF) I probably won’t invite you. In my defence, I won’t invite anyone – because, reasons.

My ‘problem’ (if you’re feeling so judgy) is that because I’ve formed a value system for myself that needs so little to keep me distracted (notice I said distracted and not happy) I somewhat expect others to have worked on themselves just as deeply. But of course, people are different, I know that. To be ‘happy’, some people want to go out with their friends, some want you to listen to their problems and assure them that everything will be fine. Some want a “happy birthday” message as soon as midnight hits. Some want a hug and a men’s or ladies night sprinkled in there somewhere. 

All of them are things that if you want, you should look for and find. We all seek different things, I just happen to demand a lot more. And maybe I do that because I don’t want anyone close, maybe by setting such a high bar, I prepare myself for disappointment. Or maybe, just maybe, I find people extremely annoying but at the same time pivotal in the formation of blog content.

The truth is, it could be any one of these things, but let’s not linger on the little details.

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Art by: snatti89 

 

********************

 

So I’ve made a list. A list of things that, if understood, should allow every one of my real-life friendships to go swimmingly. I’ve mixed genuine factors with those that carry satire. Apologies, ill-intenders, but this is far from being the fact-free party you wish it would have been. Truth is, if you know me well enough, telling apart the bits that are true and those which aren’t shouldn’t be too difficult.

I realize there’s no way anyone can adhere to all of them and stay sane. But heck, let’s do this:

  • If you start a fight, physical or otherwise, I will watch you get beaten (okay, maybe not watch – It’s not like I’ll enjoy it – but I won’t get involved). The only favour I owe you? Intervening when your life is at risk, I obviously don’t want you to die. But I will not be reeled into your battles, especially when they can easily be avoided.

 

  • Sometimes group-think is mistaken for harmony. I will put no effort into being a part of it, especially if it’s the former.

 

  • I’m a writer, words carry weight. If you are reckless in their use, you might not care but I will. What you do with them in your free time is none of my business, but overstep my boundaries and you’ll get to hear exactly what you need.

 

  • My vocabulary is expansive. Occupational hazard associated with writing and reading plenty. Don’t change up and be pretentious, trying to flex words you don’t otherwise use. No, it won’t impress me and yes, I’ll notice.

 

  • I believe in two people being similar but never the same. With that said,  don’t copy me. It doesn’t make me feel safe or understood. If anything, it makes me feel like I have two shadows.

 

  • Don’t give me artificial pressure based on trivial things that serve to benefit you. Learn to take “no” for an answer.

 

  • Don’t change who you are in the company of your love interest or other friends; especially at my expense. I will not be the brunt of your jokes and I will not adapt to your flimsy identity. Better luck in Improv theatre though.

 

  • I have a peculiar sense of humour. It’s easy to think all jokes are intended for an audience or a willing listener; especially if that’s how you function. But don’t mistake my jokes as being for you. They’re for me first, if anyone else happens to laugh, well, that’s just collateral damage.

 

  • I want you as a friend. I won’t allow myself to settle for needing you as one.

 

  • I don’t trust anyone. It may hurt hearing that but better to rip that band-aid before anyone gets too comfortable.

 

  • We don’t have to agree on everything to get along. I welcome perspective.

 

  • I don’t like inconsequential confrontations. Takes more energy to show you why you’re wrong than it does to mute your sound giving space for my imagination to run wild.

 

  • Don’t lie. Not even when you think it’s for my own good. Especially when you think it’s for my own good. I won’t see it that way.

 

  • I don’t cut people off with the snipping efficiency of a ribbon-cutting ceremony. I’m not a monster, outside of Tuesdays anyways. But, if you’re curious, keep doing what I ask you not to do and it shouldn’t take you long to find out.

 

  • You are not my responsibility (and vice versa). I’ve heard people say “good friends call each other out on their bullsh*t” and to that, I say, “Good friends don’t lie”. Except on someone’s wedding day, “Yes, Fred. You don’t look like you’re freaking out” “Yes, Fred. You are making the right decision”.

 

  • Your birthday is important to you; because of that, I’ll do my best to remember it. You can forget mine though. I mean, my birthday is special, for sure, but I don’t need presents or people to remember it to make it so. 

 

  • It doesn’t matter how special you think you are; you’ll never get the n-word pass with me (you’d be surprised how often this is a problem)

 

  • Don’t provoke me. We’re not in a zoo. Although, anyone who willingly provokes me probably belongs in one.

 

  • You don’t know me more than I do. To put what I’m saying into perspective, that’s like saying you know yourself more than I do, but you just so happen to know more about me as well. Adjust your ambitions accordingly.

 

  • Don’t make what I write about you.

 

  • I’m not secretive. I’ve just come to realize no one person can cater to every topic I wish to discuss with much-needed consistency. No one knows everything. But there are people who are better equipped to handle certain conversations. So if you hear nothing about my love life, well, you’re just not the first person I think of when I wish to talk about it.

 

  • I don’t think I’m smarter than you, you do.

 

  • Don’t worry about me feeling excluded. Chances are I’ll love the alone time. I’m extremely good at minding my own business.

 

**********************************

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Art by: snatti89

If you are out there being a friend to those that constantly require love and attention. I salute you. And please, keep doing what you’re doing; because without you, they won’t have many friends they can rely on and you wouldn’t want them to be stuck with someone like me, would you? Wouldn’t last a day.

The only people I can probably call friends are here. Those that share their experience with me through this medium. We haven’t met in real life and we probably never will, and that’s fine; perfect even. Because what you show me of yourselves is enough; I don’t need to delve deeper, you’re not a coal mine in the 60s.

This might be the last piece for this series. We’ll see …

Talk later. Much love.

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Words I Wrote Sitting In The Sun’s Shadow.

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There’s feeling loved

Then there’s feeling like just another statistic

In a long cost-benefit analysis.

 

………

………

……..

 

No, your eyes do not fail you

The second verse is a complete omission;

Oh don’t be coy, you’ve always known me to be nice,

How else was I going to give you a moment to process

Why I left.

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: SeerLight

 

You can choose to love yourself more than those around you. But don’t forget (or rather be surprised) that everyone else is capable of doing the same. Just because you recently became aware of self-love, doesn’t mean the rest of the world was sitting idly waiting for you to discover it.

You are not the main character, and you most certainly have no plot armour.

If you’re Earth’s main character, I made a quote especially for you:

“All our deaths are coming, and they will be canon”

 

Ridiculousiology (3) coming soon…

Ridiculousiology (2)

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Ridiculousiology (1)

 

*****

 

I know, it’s tempting.

But upon inducting me into a contest within your mind

Refrain from accusing me of not playing fair

When you know full well I don’t play there.

 

You look at me with a competitive edge

All the while expecting me to look back

No, “friend”, instead

I look to the stars – or so you would assume, yet again

But you would be wrong. Because I look further.

How much further?

 

Well, I suppose you can tag along for this one …

 

See, whilst you hone your ability to proficiently complain

I delicately place my words to better illustrate what I mean to say.

How else, but by merging a medley of dialects to bridge the gap

Making itself at home between you and where your imagination ends.

What tethers both sides are intricately weaved analogies –

 – Metaphors, threaded with bedazzled imagery

All twisting in conjunction to help me cross your chasm –

– Of unrealized potential; ever-so-swiftly.

 

This bridge I braid into existence …

It’s a shame you can’t see it, let alone cross it

But I promise to chart parts you had yet to realize exist

And once I’m done, I’ll do what I always do;

Warp to your planet and tell you all about it.

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: snatti89

 

Moral of the poem? Don’t compete with me. You don’t know how I got my skill.

 

I am unapologetic about how good I am at writing. I don’t need your permission.

 

I’m not humble? Noted. You’ll be happy to know I don’t care about your opinion.

 

What’s that? I’m not among those you consider the best? Of course, I’m not. Because none of them are as good at being me than me. Just as much as I’m not as good at being them than them.

 

 

 

 

 

Ridiculousiology (1)

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No, I don’t think I know everything

But your reckless assumption does make one thing clear.

That I know enough

To make you think I know everything.

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: snatti89

 

… And supposing I entertain when people take their misunderstandings of me as fact. What then? Nothing. That’s what. I liken it to watching filler episodes.

Same reason I don’t take time to dispute false assumptions. I gain nothing out of it.

You think I’m cocky? Okay, great. Now let’s talk about what actually matters. Whether you’ll stop wasting time looking at me and live your own life.

As amusing as your little display is, I can’t live life for the both of us.