I am going through so many changes in my life, I feel like I have stopped talking to a large fraction of people I used to on a daily. When I was younger, my aunt told me not to be surprised when I suddenly drift apart with friends or even family members as I grow; I thought that would never happen to me. However, looking at where I stand now, I am inclined to agree with her. Note that this has nothing to do with friends or family pushing my buttons (not entirely anyway) but conflicting values.
Perhaps when I was young and unemployed with little to no responsibility I could bear the brunt of one of my friends being unnecessarily competitive. I could stomach a family member trying to tell me the best path to life because I was too afraid to take the reins and fail. I could spend an entire afternoon in an inconsequential debate guided by the need to win rather than actually being progressive, but everything has changed now. I do not have the time to be that carefree with my approach to life anymore. It was a choice to let go of those values that (personally) gave me nothing and instead focus on values that bring the best out of me.
Not everyone welcomes change when it occurs, or when you are trying to work on yourself to become better. Because at times that means you are willing to forego activities and personality traits that may have made you close to certain people to begin with. But when all is said and done, self-betterment is not about making sure everyone else is okay with it (goes without saying that any form of self-betterment should not come at the risk of putting other peoples lives in danger).
I just find it a little odd that at this stage in my life I still have to contend with a family/friend telling me they have a grand revenge strategy in mind to get back at someone who hurt them. And as soon as they hurt whoever it is, they go ahead and say that its the persons’ fault for starting it. And yes, it may be their fault, but is perpetuating the situation truly the solution? It’s these conflicting values that push me away. I don’t mean to sound elitist but if these values work for you that’s great, but for me, no.
Instead of hurting peoples’ feelings and calling them out, I distance myself. Having gone through similar situations in the past I know how hostile some people can become when you tell them that they are lying or being hypocritical e.t.c. Yes, I know no-one is perfect, but that does not mean I have to put up with toxicity or leeching because you are a long time friend or even family.
3 minutes 60 seconds (adjust your volume before listening, just in case 🙂 )
I believe in taking responsibility for our own actions as well as the circumstances we have been given. Often times we find ourselves in a bad place, and we look for something to blame; the system or the people who directly influence us. True, it may not be our fault we are in an unfavourable position, but ultimately, it is our responsibility to contend with.
For example, If I lose my job because my boss doesn’t like me (even though I am doing my absolute best) being in that situation would not be my fault; but it would be my responsibility to deal with. The thing is, I could get angry and even go to court to exact some “revenge”. Maybe I could lose all my money trying to get some justice and ultimately fail, but the truth is, me losing my money as a result of my firing is not my boss’s fault; it is mine. From the minute my boss would have fired me, every choice I would have made till I had nothing would be on me and not on him/her. Most of the time we look for something to take the heat for our actions while ignoring our own decisions.
Now I’m not saying accepting what has been thrust on us is full-proof and will immediately make us happier people. However, there is comfort in knowing that we have the power to control how we approach situations around us. Pain stems from building an ideal narrative in our heads which we believe the universe will abide by. Fact is the universe will always go its own way and that could lead to some serious disappointment.
I used to take responsibility for the reactions I would get from people around me. Whether they frown or smile; I would start wondering what I did to cause that. I later realized that this was the wrong way to approach interactions (at least for me). What people feel about me is not my responsibility; I should not try to unravel why someone hates me or is disgusted by the colour of my skin. My responsibility is dealing with how I feel about their actions towards me, whether they are good or bad; how I digest that information and proceed, is all up to me.
I realise I ended up saying a lot more than I initially intended but It’s been a while since I wrote a lengthy piece for you guys and gals. I will go deeper in the following days, I fear fitting all the info in this one post would have me on WordPress till October’s end.
A poem for all my readers. I’m back from taking a small break; I hope everyone is alright🙂 . Through the coming weeks, I will be exploring the current shift I have been experiencing in my thought process. All in writing, the only way I know how.
Give a damn about everything and you will always feel like you’re fighting a losing battle; highly prone to fatigue.
Whenever I feel like I am under pressure I ask myself if whatever is worrying me is going to kill me. If it’s not, I stop worrying. It may be a little tricky to switch perception like a switch, definitely takes practice. The work I do requires a certain level of emotional intelligence, and I would like to believe it has helped me improve in that department.
Its Wednesday, enjoy your Thursday. It’s almost Friday.
To be honest, I’m just happy I could write a piece today. I feel more energy to write than I have in a while. Expect consistent poetry from my blog in the coming weeks. Oh, and make sure to enjoy the weekend 🙂
I feel like my generation is entrenched in a culture of entitlement. Everyone feels like they have the right to something; whether it’s being happy, being loved or money. To some extent, I believe I have been guilty of this at some point in time.
However, the entitlement has made us somewhat blind to everything around us. We deserve to be happy — so anyone who brings a perspective that puts us on edge is unnecessarily being negative. Feelings have become binary, either you are feeling good, or you are feeling bad, and all we want to feel is good, no matter the cost.
When I started this blog my intent was to write about positive thoughts only, good vibes all around. In truth, there is really nothing wrong with that; but personally, it put me in a corner. There were days I would be in a bad place and I still had to keep up appearances because that was my niche. I avoided writing about the pain I may have been facing, afraid of being perceived as negative; but I eventually changed it. Never have I felt so free, everything I started writing felt more real.
What I write, though not always positive, is real. There is nothing superficial in my writing, and when I finish writing something I am more at peace knowing my readers are getting to see who I am. We all have good days, we also have bad days, but I think its best to address what may be bothering us head on instead of avoiding it entirely; just because we want to be happy. At the end of the day, those who enjoy my writing are getting to see me for who I really am instead of something I am not.