Reminder No.789

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My mind often finds itself lost

Between the space running in parallel

With the time that keeps us apart. 

 

Depending on where you and I stand

These words will no doubt come across different.

When I share my story, my intention is not to harvest your pity.

No, not when I can do that exceptionally well on my own.

 

Nine out of ten dentists have nothing for this cavity

Naturally, It’s not a teeth thing,

It is instead, the emptiness I keep hidden within.

A void I shamelessly fill with material desires that do nothing

In the mending of my soul.

 

Took a long time to understand what strength means to me

It’s not the relentlessness of one’s conviction,

Or having hope that is absolute or concrete.

Strength begins in the admittance of weakness.

 

Strength, to me, is having the courage to be kind

To others and yourself

Despite having no incentive to do so

At all.

 

– O.D. ©2019

 

Art by: Aenami

//\\Burning//\\

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What am I angry about today?

I appreciate your forwardness

But that would have been a good question, had I,

Like many others, taken refuge

In considering only one avenue of thought.

 

No, the question I choose to engage in

Is what shouldn’t I be angry about today? 

‘Cause every day feels like a cleansing, having to dig deep,

Sifting through bags of dirt, trying to get to

That which I’m naturally drawn to.

 

How many have grown accustomed to garbage

To the point where the day-to-day

Has become a matter of finding

Which landfill shines the brightest?

 

Variety is the spice of life and yet I believe

 There a too many cooks looking to touch the lining of the cookbook

It’s over-kill; I mean, look at all the ingredients cluttering the cabinets

Look at all these wannabes donning chef hats

Sprinkling all manner of seasonings in the kitchen;

Hoping their vision of the right taste sticks,

All this with little regard for the consequences.

 

They preach visions from their wet dreams

A near clinical state of delusion,

Claiming to hold answers on what’s best

For you, me, everyone and the greater good.

It’s a shame

That those who know what they are talking about

Meld like clay,

With those who wish to be part of the aforementioned.

 

Watch how they flinch when I share my own worldview

That if there’s a heaven, everyone will make their way to it.

Because I believe God makes no mistakes with his creations.

But no, they say, those who do bad will burn, they say,

Like seriously, are you that sick?

So sick that you’d seek catharsis from the smell of charred flesh.

 

I spend as much time talking about religion as I do 

Tossing unlit molotovs at different riots. None.

I don’t judge you, so don’t judge me.

Do what works for you and let me do what works for me.

 

With the state of the world

It’s hard to know when you’ve got your hands on a sure thing

So excuse me for believing in a little more light,

Excuse me while I choose to believe in a world

With a better ending than the one transcribed.

 

– O.D. ©2019

 

Art by: Aenami

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Default Mode Network.

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You call it daydreaming

I call it reconnecting with myself.

You call it being aloof

I call it tending to my own business.

Don’t you see?

My vessel always does little to represent what I feel within.

I am, at the very least thankful it shows I exist.

 

It’s tempting, to reminisce over the past

How I might have done things a little better,

However, its a hole I wish to stay far away from.

The future? Ah, the future. All the possibilities.

Despite my cautious optimism, I try not to think of it either.

 

No amount of forward-thinking will solve what I need solving now

Highly in touch with my emotions, basing decisions on inherent values

Hard logic has never really been my strong suit.

I stick to the present because I don’t know,

I don’t know how anything from now

Till the end of this piece could change in ways

I would have no means to explain.

 

Despite living in every moment of every day

I deviate from making my thoughts systematic – a routine.

A mechanical, procedural, curation of events

Devoid of inspiration and agency.

 

Make no mistake, I have no control over my life

– Not absolutely any way.

But what gives me power is knowing I can choose

What I’m about to feel and do in the now

After all, that’s where I am.

 

– O.D. ©2019

 

Art by: Aenami

 

 

 

Words From A Falling Leaf.

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Anyone can write a story,

But it takes great care and consideration,

To write a good one.

 

– O.D. ©2019

 

Art by: Aenami

Conversation(s) *recording included*

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Another day. Another recording.

In this segment, I talk about the process I use when choosing conversations to be a part of.

Which conversations do I consider worth my time?

As always, if you have any questions or thoughts, I’d love to hear them 🙂

 

– O.D. ©2019

 

Art by: Aenami

Vulnerability.

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How you handle those moments of fragility,

My incremental doses of vulnerability.

Well, that’s what says it all, isn’t it …

***

It’s not so much an unwritten test

As it is a natural progression of events.

Join me in deepening our bond

Perusing through what bridges our humanity

And by design, the discovery is set in stone.

A discovery that attests to what keeps our tethers weaved.

***

Is each string born out of convenience –

– An illusion – built on nothing but circumstance.

Do we tread the same path because the alternative

Would mean trekking this world alone?

***

Don’t be quick to judge people that guard their hearts

Most have just wisened up to the idea that it isn’t everyone

Who has your best interests at heart.

***

– It’s when I open up – taking the risk to show you my heart,

That I get to see, just how deep our bond can be  

…………….

…………….

Oh? – What’s that – oh, I’m just being sensitive? Right. Of course.

Apologies, I suppose my concerns are not valid then …. 

I suppose I never thought myself bound to the narrative of Equilibrium

So – just to be clear – not only do you offer unsolicited advice

You proceed to tell me how best to circumvent 

Something you have yet to experience.

***

“Apologies”, I say, it must be such an inconvenience

How I’m unable to laugh at your passive-aggressive jokes

“Apologies”, I say, “For not handling my emotions in such a ‘manly’ way”

After all, everyone knows,

The epitome of masculinity and emotional intelligence

Hinges on who can deliver the best robot impression.

***

My apologies, for pushing the veiled line marking my border

Allowing you to peer into my inner world,

Choosing to do so was certainly not a mistake – just a regret 

A regret that brings about a timely revelation,

A timely revelation that assures I adjust our bond accordingly

Don’t scorn. Seriously, it’s not your fault, 

How else would I have known not to be that vulnerable with you again? 

 

– O.D. ©2019

 

Art by: Ardoric-Art

 

 

Returning Reason(s)

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We can call this a status update or anything else you find more soothing. All I know is I had to record something as soon as I got home.

Use earphones if you can 🙂

 

For anyone interested Reason(s) 1 – 7

 

Also, ask me anything. Would be nice to finally have that Q & A

 

– O.D. ©2019

 

Art by: GUWEIZ

Echo_2

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I express deeply to a wilderness kept within,

Guiding words to unseen walls;

Unseen walls, that blend harmoniously with the crevices that form

The valley embodying what little you know of my mind.

 

As soon as my words reach their destination,

They return, almost immediately.

Repeating themselves, 

Over… and over again.

 

It should come as no surprise then,

To me, or to you,

That whatever feeling I end up carrying as a mantle 

Entirely depends on what I would have chosen to exclaim

At the periphery of my world’s edge.

 

– O.D. ©2019

 

Art by:  JoeyJazz

Morbid.

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Fumbling within the clutter of a word cloud,

Losing myself with how often I re-write –

– Each line – benign, as I cater to the design

Relative and specific to each rhyme.

 

My words would sooner finish before my ink does.

Wait – I meant to say that the other way ’round – no doubt –

– In my eyes, as I face my beast head-on like a game of joust.

A quick jab of my lance to its chest,

Face first within the dirt –

– Is where my Goliath gets to witness the rest.

 

My ballpoint hovers over words that form the piece

Retroactively rendering judgement before the ink breathes

Every day for me is a class back in session

Who am I to think myself exempt from life’s lessons?

 

Six-figure-words deep on my journey of self-discovery,

Books, movies, different types of cheese –

– all things worthy of yet another category

All I say is “curb that need

When you start to see it bleed over to humanity”

 

Right on time, my persistent nihilism always entails

Death approaches me with yet another enticing flirt

Much to the irritation of my enemies

I toss the noose,

Sating sleep’s favourite cousin with thirst.

 

Apologies if I’ve ever looked like prey to you

A common misconception I make no time to contend with

I chuckle when they tell me they have me figured out

– Ignorant spouts that run in parallel with the sphinx telling me

It has always had a nose for my ink

What you see –  rather selectively – is what I let you see

Don’t confuse seeing the sun with discovering it.

 

“Fiercely independent, unnaturally individualistic,

Selfish and inept at maintaining group harmony”

Which harmony? The one you allude to when preaching to your sheep?

Take a close look at my wings, tell me,

Do they look like they were made for the cage?

 

Some choose to lead, some choose to follow

Some realize life goes deeper,

That life is not so simple, not so hollow

There is no we; just you and me

No absolute freedom but the best illusion of it

Happiness being a series of exceptional distractions.

 

I rein in my morbid thoughts because I respect your idea of peace

I haven’t seen everything, but I’ve seen enough to know what I want

And what I want is to live my life

Saying what I feel

Without having to worry if it sounds right.

Ask yourself what emotional turmoil I’ve had to go through

To accept depression as my most trusted companion

And not the company of those that call me family or friend.

 

 – O.D. ©2019

 

Art by: JoeyJazz

 

Something About Fear.

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I made a list of all the people I fear,

Served it as a side dish to my pet dinosaur

– That’s right – they don’t exist.

Just like that list.

 

– O.D. ©2019

 

Art by: JoeyJazz

 

Totally unrelated: 

Contrary to what my words may lead others to believe, I also have good things happen in my life. Of course noticing that would be relatively difficult considering how I always mention the negative. I’m not necessarily a negative person, I just don’t like avoiding the bad to “look” like I’m having a good time. If I’m having a good time, I’m having a good time; If I’m not, I’m not.

The 2nd of August was my birthday and one of my students gave me a cake. I was touched and completely taken off guard. I remember her asking for my birthday last year and thought nothing of it, but it seems she was planning to surprise me. Well, I was certainly surprised.

Her birthday is coming up and I have no idea what to get her. But I’ll think of something.

I’ve never really considered having children. But if what I feel for that student comes remotely close to how it feels to have a daughter? Well, let’s just say I get why some fathers become aggressive when someone inflicts harm to their daughters.