Poetry, To Me (4)

Poetry, to me, is the defiance —

Unapologetic sensationalizing of a world that is often unforgiving.

The unbridled strength and courage 

To pepper meaning onto that which is deemed insignificant

With a divine poignancy.

 

The unmitigated desire to repurpose evanescent chaos

Parsing itself over vacant and misplaced minds.

The waking and coloring of docile and achromatic senses

The feel and touch of a lover who’s in reach but will never exist

… Lest tainted by the limitations veiling our fragile reality.

 

Poetry, dear reader,

Is the gentle push that a healing heart never knew it needed.

 

– O.D. ©2021

 

Art by:  SuperPhazed

 

If you enjoyed this poem, consider checking out the rest of the series:

Poetry, To Me 1

Poetry, To Me 2

Poetry, To Me 3

 

 

 

Blogging Vignette.

Sometimes I wonder what all my WordPress buddies get up to when they’re not here blogging their hearts out.

Make no mistake, I enjoy reading a majority of peoples work. I just tend to wonder how everyone’s lives are outside of everything they write.

We only get snippets/vignettes of everything. You know, mostly the juicy parts.

Alfred Hitchcock says “What is drama, but life with all the dull bits cut out”

And I agree. If we wrote a detailed outline that includes all the monotony we endure it would hardly be an interesting read. 

It’s not a curiosity I entertain often, after all, I’m hardly the most open person around here.

This question popped into my head when I was reminiscing over old friendships that fizzled out during my first years here on WordPress. So many people I knew are just… gone. Others showed up and vanished within the space of a year.

Keeping a blog alive is hard work — I like to believe in many ways you have to enjoy writing to help with this. Either that, or you use your blog to explore creative expression and not much else.

These were some of my shower thoughts these last few days. Have you experienced something similar or are all your buddies present and accounted for?

– O.D. ©2021

Art by: Ninjatic

Kenshō

You wouldn’t call me impatient

If you knew how long I’ve had to tolerate

Unimaginative definitions adjacent

To that which you say about me.

Noone ever really gets it

Until their intensity meets your own.

See, the day you fit me into a word

Is the day your tears trickle, drench —

— Drown and put a pause on spacetime.

The day you fit me into a sentence

Is the day you witness my form

Instead of your own

Glaring back at you in the mirror.

The day you fit me into a book

Is the day I call you “God”

And if you think it’s getting complicated

Then I’d say that’s a good indication

Because it means you’re starting to think.

– O.D. ©2021

Art by: Superphazed

Hollow Dragons.

Absolute understanding of people is overrated.

The brickwork inlaid on the walls that surround me

Is enough to satisfy the lifetime curiosity of any aspiring bureaucratic fetishist.

Any who choose to abandon their lives to chisel my walls —

Will, in so doing, come to learn more about themselves

Than they’ll ever do about me.

My core is mine, and mine alone.

Not a myopic curiosity to cure existential doldrums.

If it’s all the same to you,

I’d like to keep it that way.

– O.D. ©2021

Art by:  ChaosFissure

Disenchant.

Have you begun to see the world

If it has yet to break your heart?

– O.D. ©2021

Art by:  Carnegriff

A-Sexuality Reality.

Apart from people automatically assuming you’re gay? Everything as an a-sexual is fine lol. I don’t have a problem with gay people (obviously) but it’s annoying when my lack of a sexual appetite leads people to conclude I’m gay.

Because its unfathomable in their tiny little minds that someone can live without craving sex.

Please don’t embarrass yourself by assuming this. I like to believe we’re all a little more aware. But I suppose I’ve been guilty of thinking some things are common knowledge in a world full of diverse individuals.

— the other day I was accused of being “too woke” for simply checking on a co-worker who seemed sad. That my generation is too obsessed with how people feel and that we’re too sensitive. The guy was obviously sniffing his own pheromones, I think he just didn’t like someone other than him receiving attention.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with checking whether someone is okay. And it shouldn’t hurt anyone else in the vicinity when we care about other people’s feelings. Right?

Well “Wrong!” according to them. 

Point is, our world is full of all types — I’m open to toxic people existing — there’s nothing I can do about that. I just try not to stick around them any longer than I have to.

Going back to my experience with A-sexuality.

It’s important to note that I’m one of many on the spectrum of a-sexuals. There are A-sexuals who only desire sex when they are emotionally attuned with their partner. There are a-sexuals who are virgins and have no desire of ever experiencing sex.

Me?

I fall in the camp of those that have had sex but simply don’t find it enjoyable.

I want to touch on some of the misconceptions people often have about me as an A-sexual. Stick around, you might just learn something.

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Misconception #1 – I’m not waiting for Ms. Right 

It won’t take Ms. Right to change my mind on this. I’ve had enough sex to know I don’t enjoy it. Where others find pleasure in having sex with their partner; I find a nuisance.

I would rather do anything else than have sex — like entering VR or pretending to understand everything Nietzsche.   

 

Misconception #2 – It’s not out of trauma 

Sex, when you’re participating (and not enjoying) looks and feels incredibly sloppy and ridiculous.  Just two independent nervous systems covered in sweaty flesh, rubbing and thumping against each other.

Perhaps my first sexual experience was terrible…

And then the next one …

And then the next one …

And then the next one …

And then the — you get it. They can’t all have been sequentially terrible. And I’m not about to have sex again just to confirm if I really, really, don’t like it.

It took time but I just had to admit to myself that’s it’s okay not to enjoy sex as much as everyone else. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Wanna know what’s wrong? Ridiculing anyone who doesn’t share your voracious sexual appetite.

Perhaps if you weren’t obsessed with your next lay you’d be attending to your fugue state of causality problems. But don’t worry, I’ll do the thinking for the both of us.

 

Misconception #3 – I don’t hate sex. 

“You don’t!? But you just said –“

Relax. I may not enjoy sex, but I understand it’s value from a purely utilitarian perspective. We need reproduction for the human species; and if all of us were a-sexual then that would be a massive “yikes”.

I don’t mind reading or even talking about how much someone may enjoy sex. Just don’t go out of your way to ask me what I think about sex unless you’re looking for a counter-weight.

 

Misconception #4 – I get attracted too

Not obvious, but I have my own preferences. I notice when a lady has nice eyes or beautiful lips or hair. My thoughts however, don’t deviate towards kissing said lips.

I appreciate features how I would a rosy sunset. From afar —through a telescope — stalking your room from across the street.

That was a joke.

I hope 😉 

 

Misconception#5 – Wow. So you’re A-sexual? How does it feel?

I find this question funny because it’s often asked as if I have a condition that needs fixing.

You know, I could also ask how it feels to do the sloppy-mish-mash-under-the-covers thing.

I was curious about sex — had it. And when I was done with that fleshy disaster, some part of me wished I hadn’t. 

If you’re curious how life is as an a-sexual, I can tell you that there’s a lot of clarity. You have to realize it’s a little difficult admitting to yourself (especially at a younger age) that this thing most people around you enjoy, isn’t fun for you. That there’s nothing wrong with that.

Sharing this here means I’m done with the heavy lifting. It’s something I’m now at peace with.

I do think if someone enjoys sex they should dive right in and have a blast. I’m not trying to shame anyone who does by saying all of this.

 

*****

What I’m more interested in knowing is what your experience has been with other a-sexuals you’ve met. Pleasant? Unpleasant? Indifferent? Let me know.

 

– O.D. ©2021

 

Art by:  mynameistran

Finite-State Machine.

There was no we,

Only what she needed me to be.

– O.D. ©2020

Art by: Gydw1n

Kindling For A Falling Bridge.

I suppose thinking you would stay stuck in the past

Was a little too much to ask,

You surface to the top of my current thoughts

With the dark and oozy persistence

Of an off-shore oil spill.

— You’re unwanted,

You kill the formation of my ideas often,

Your idea of living comes off to me as foreign

Your understanding of bonding bears the likeness

Of a grassy field at the periphery of erosion.

I won’t hide the bad thoughts I have when I think of you

I hold my values and speak only what I believe to be true

I don’t expect, nor hope, that you’ll hear my words and agree

I only empty my lungs, exorcising your flimsy demon out of me.

The radical would say you’re straddling satanic

You? Hardly.

I’d settle for simply calling you moronic —

— Idiotic, as you preach mindfulness from the comfort of an invisible pulpit

The sole of your shoes bound to the rustic pedestal of a f*cking narcissist.

Don’t tell me about language

If you paid attention you’d know I’ve since had it.

Go ahead, flatter yourself into thinking I wrote this for you.

Please, I dare you. Chug it all down.

Soon after, pay no mind to the sensation of your insides forming lesions,

Tends to happen when you try and digest the sharpness of a wit you can’t fathom.

I write — I breathe, life into each piece

It’s a hard tilt — unfiltered by my loyalty to the path of a creative

No experience of mine is beyond comodifying,

— Liquidating and displaying on a fine sheet of paper.

As such, you and the lint that was our tether

Will be of further use in lining my passion as a writer.

There are no good or bad choices

Only regrets,

When it comes to those — I have many

But the kindling offered by our shared experience

Assures you’ll never reach the worth of being one.

– O.D. ©2020

Art by: Gydw1n

Update No.5 *Recording Included*

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Small status update.

Indeed, I have a voice too. If you had yet to hear it, well, here it is. There are many other posts I’ve voiced in the past; for those interested.

4 minute listen

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: RHADS 

Padding.

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I’m a writer. Of course — words mean everything to me.

It’s when your actions go against everything you say

That I, as a writer, can openly admit

That (your) “Words mean nothing to me”

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: GUWEIZ

 

I love you, yes you.

Totally unrelated, I know. But I also have nice things to say sometimes, dear reader.

Stay safe.