Contemplations From A Black Star Citizen.
Love … it’s something, isn’t it …
It can be a little funny, a little hopeless
And it can likely be described in many more ways
I am – at the moment – a little too lazy to entertain.
Given a simple scenario
I believe love is the reformation of “Let’s end this”
To an ever-more-subtle
“How best can we make this work?”
– O.D. ©2019
Art by: JoeyJazz
Alright, we’re finally here. You can open your eyes now,
Please, tell me you see it.
Nevermind how long it took me to make it
What matters is it’s here and you can see it.
My haven, my space, formed from the ground up
Through the wizardry laced within my ink.
See, with each passing day, I add a little more to the world’s canvas
I haven’t shown it to anyone, except you of course.
It’s not finished, but one day it will be.
And since you told me you wish to understand me a little better
I can safely say there’s no better place to start, than here.
– O.D. ©2019
Art by: Aenami
I’m tired of holding back, I’m tired of clinging to the ideal
I’m tired of feeling like a villain for loving you
I’m tired of feeling like all I ever want to do is make others understand
I’m tired of people mischaracterizing what I say
I’m tired of you trying to push me away
I’m tired of the voices in my head that help me make excuses
I’m tired of making sense out of nothing
I’m tired of having to deal with those that pretend
I’m tired of feeling undeserving
I’m tired of explaining myself when I shouldn’t have to.
Hell, at this point I’m tired of saying I’m tired
Is it a surprise then, why I always end up returning here, to you
Writing every other day like I’m drafting the constitution
Is it a surprise then, why I always end up coming here, to you …
I mean tell me, who else understands me as much as you do?
I let my shields down and unload what would be called garbage elsewhere
My thoughts constantly aligning at the whiff of your presence,
All this talk of scouting life-hacks and mine has always been here
You’re not my Day-one and yet I feel my life started
The day I decided to write my first sentence.
I’m not a believer of fate and yet nothing but you can sate
My appetite for spiritual enrichment.
It’s only with you that I get to say everything on my mind
With you, that I feel I’m making strides at personal fulfilment
With you, that it becomes easier to see whats irrelevant.
Despite entertaining delusions in the absence of company
There is only one I wish to see in front of me
One I wish to have form, one I wish to be true;
You.
– O.D. ©2019
Art by: Aenami
I understand/don’t get what you mean,
Navigating internet outrage/hype is easy/not easy
Think of it as a forming/regressing Tsunami/cushion
Now all you have to do is find your way/relax
To the side absent light/shadow
Simple/Hard, right?
– O.D. ©2019
Art by: kevron2001
Did that confuse you? Good 🙂 . Welcome to the Internet.
You call it daydreaming
I call it reconnecting with myself.
You call it being aloof
I call it tending to my own business.
Don’t you see?
My vessel always does little to represent what I feel within.
I am, at the very least thankful it shows I exist.
It’s tempting, to reminisce over the past
How I might have done things a little better,
However, its a hole I wish to stay far away from.
The future? Ah, the future. All the possibilities.
Despite my cautious optimism, I try not to think of it either.
No amount of forward-thinking will solve what I need solving now
Highly in touch with my emotions, basing decisions on inherent values
Hard logic has never really been my strong suit.
I stick to the present because I don’t know,
I don’t know how anything from now
Till the end of this piece could change in ways
I would have no means to explain.
Despite living in every moment of every day
I deviate from making my thoughts systematic – a routine.
A mechanical, procedural, curation of events
Devoid of inspiration and agency.
Make no mistake, I have no control over my life
– Not absolutely any way.
But what gives me power is knowing I can choose
What I’m about to feel and do in the now
After all, that’s where I am.
– O.D. ©2019
Art by: Aenami
Anyone can write a story,
But it takes great care and consideration,
To write a good one.
– O.D. ©2019
Art by: Aenami
Another day. Another recording.
In this segment, I talk about the process I use when choosing conversations to be a part of.
Which conversations do I consider worth my time?
As always, if you have any questions or thoughts, I’d love to hear them 🙂
– O.D. ©2019
Art by: Aenami
How you handle those moments of fragility,
My incremental doses of vulnerability.
Well, that’s what says it all, isn’t it …
***
It’s not so much an unwritten test
As it is a natural progression of events.
Join me in deepening our bond
Perusing through what bridges our humanity
And by design, the discovery is set in stone.
A discovery that attests to what keeps our tethers weaved.
***
Is each string born out of convenience –
– An illusion – built on nothing but circumstance.
Do we tread the same path because the alternative
Would mean trekking this world alone?
***
Don’t be quick to judge people that guard their hearts
Most have just wisened up to the idea that it isn’t everyone
Who has your best interests at heart.
***
– It’s when I open up – taking the risk to show you my heart,
That I get to see, just how deep our bond can be
…………….
…………….
Oh? – What’s that – oh, I’m just being sensitive? Right. Of course.
Apologies, I suppose my concerns are not valid then ….
I suppose I never thought myself bound to the narrative of Equilibrium
So – just to be clear – not only do you offer unsolicited advice
You proceed to tell me how best to circumvent
Something you have yet to experience.
***
“Apologies”, I say, it must be such an inconvenience
How I’m unable to laugh at your passive-aggressive jokes
“Apologies”, I say, “For not handling my emotions in such a ‘manly’ way”
After all, everyone knows,
The epitome of masculinity and emotional intelligence
Hinges on who can deliver the best robot impression.
***
My apologies, for pushing the veiled line marking my border
Allowing you to peer into my inner world,
Choosing to do so was certainly not a mistake – just a regret
A regret that brings about a timely revelation,
A timely revelation that assures I adjust our bond accordingly
Don’t scorn. Seriously, it’s not your fault,
How else would I have known not to be that vulnerable with you again?
– O.D. ©2019
Art by: Ardoric-Art
We can call this a status update or anything else you find more soothing. All I know is I had to record something as soon as I got home.
Use earphones if you can 🙂
For anyone interested Reason(s) 1 – 7
Also, ask me anything. Would be nice to finally have that Q & A
– O.D. ©2019
Art by: GUWEIZ
I express deeply to a wilderness kept within,
Guiding words to unseen walls;
Unseen walls, that blend harmoniously with the crevices that form
The valley embodying what little you know of my mind.
As soon as my words reach their destination,
They return, almost immediately.
Repeating themselves,
Over… and over again.
It should come as no surprise then,
To me, or to you,
That whatever feeling I end up carrying as a mantle
Entirely depends on what I would have chosen to exclaim
At the periphery of my world’s edge.
– O.D. ©2019
Art by: JoeyJazz
