Thoughts Like A Theme Park (Part 3)

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(Colorized photograph of O.D. and poetry at the beginning of time? Probably)

Thoughts Like A Theme Park (Part 1) * Thoughts Like A Theme Park (Part 2)

Had fun recording this piece, sprucing it with my crazy. If it wasn’t already clear, I’m trying to have this series be spoken word only.

Hope you enjoy listening to it (better with ear-phones)

 

 

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I’ve had to work these verses into a fine line once, twice 

— And if I’m to admit, Its been far too many times

Re-writing, wondering whether I should use this word or that

Questioning the undulating flow — the unlikeliest of intonations,

As if that would by default help me appeal to a larger audience,

What I say carries little worth if I doctor it —

What is this? A competition for the less authentic?

Leave me out of it

I have nothing to add to a mound of the counterfeit.

 

I say my piece in a way that either leaves me loved or hated

No surprise when others choose to look and listen with a tinge of indifference

Hardly matters to me — After all, I have no cares to spare 

That moment when you know what to say to keep people glued

But you choose not to say it because you don’t believe it to be true …

Well, that’s exactly where I am. Dead center in the smog of lies. 

A smile goes a long way, but what does it amount to if it’s not real ….

Far from ideal, just another lie to pile onto other mounting lies —

 

Repetition walks a line that straddles muted insanity

And if you look at the periphery that’s exactly where I’ll be —

Mind is a walking carnival — think multiple rides with thoughts as lights

All rotating, levitating — taking their wielder further into space —

EEG displays Christmas tree brain — 

Inspiration has and always will work like a switch

I plead guilty for repeatedly abusing it —

Cravings out of left field as I siphon another dopamine hit —

Attuned to the muffled rhythm of my heartbeat —

One of the few things that remind me that I still live —

“Your voice has a nice vibe” — their words, not mine —

I jam and I jive to life with poetry on my immediate side.

 

It’s hard to think of coming down

When you’ve played floor is lava using constellations as landings

But you won’t see me clipping my wings

— Not in this life, I’d rather stay far away from the ground

Even if it means my feet dangle over a trap door like a chained prisoner of war.

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: SuperPhazed

 

Thoughts Like A Theme Park (Part 2)

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Thoughts Like A Theme Park (part 1)

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And here is a recording I made for part 2 of this series. I wrote the entire poem below for those that prefer reading as I speak. I hear its more immersive that way.

You could otherwise gaze at the lovely art during the recording, that works too.

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Slow, steady and ever-so routinely,

Words cascade from parts of the universe unseen

Effortlessly drizzling, washing over me

As if my words have gained sentience in an attempt

To deem my vessel unclean.

 

There are many ways to say what I wish to say

But I only get one chance to say it my way.

A way that bridges me with my understanding of peace

Sometimes I feel I’ve found the answers I seek;

Like I’ve taken a long hard look at life’s tapestry

And from that, know exactly where I fit.

But that’s not how life tends to work, is it?

 

I balance my inherent strength and vulnerability 

In ways reminiscent of a tight rope walker

Trying to maintain inertia — It all gets a little murkier —

As I guard my heart like I know nothing else

Like it’s all I’ve ever felt, I might as well — heart shattered, scattered,

Some pieces find themselves lost under the furniture —

Each time — the part that keeps me alive gets a little smaller.

 

I love fiercely, consciously, dare I say ridiculously

I love without expecting, I love like no one is watching,

I love because I can — but it’s within this dance 

That I’ve begun to understand the limitations of man.

 

The love of my individuality

And the desire to connect whilst still being me

Oh, the persistent dichotomy, repeatedly unveiling itself in front of me —

This is why — this is why I sling ink to a maddening degree

Why I can’t stop myself from being entranced with this natural high

Why oh why do you do this to me?

The more I get better the more I run the risk of sounding a little crazier.

 

Erratic in my delivery,

I hit the beat and accompanying piece like I exist within each—

Rib-caged, I am the part that pumps blood;

I don’t believe in fate, but for this, I was certainly made,

And there’s nothing anyone can say to give my thoughts sway.

I lay back — absorbing the moment, wishing to have it framed

It’s the only one like it… and I wish to always have it…

But it’s only in letting it go that I make room for more.

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: SuperPhazed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Side They (Don’t) Like. (Voiced)

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That’s right. I voiced one of my favourite poems. The Side They (Don’t) Like

Thoroughly enjoyed the process and will do more in the future. I copied the poem below so you can read along as I speak.

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                                                       ***   

I navigate the battlefield pacifying every ill-intender with a collection of Swords

Repeat the prior sentence without the first S

And you’ll bear witness to how it takes a pen, or even less

To bring to attention the distance that exists between you

And the unseen heights of my plateau.   

 

You shout all manner of things yet you know I can’t hear you

You’re all the way over there, and I’m over here

Layman terms for your planet and mine

Perhaps I ought to underline how aligned

I am to the stars. I’m not just another Leo,

I bear an unkempt mane

Thought formation teetering on insane

Why would I roar – when I need only soar,

Break the sky, and from space, re-arrange

My life’s pieces back into place.

 

Your awkward attempts to wither my flame 

Are about as unsightly

As witnessing a giraffe throw up – arduous and long –

Like the time it would take to break down

Exactly where you’re going wrong. 

 

See, with each subsequent step I take

The eye of the storm dilates

With each word, my thoughts levitate,

Marking yet another escape

From the self-sustaining prison

This world makes.

 

Your taxidermist has been stuffing you with garbage

Meanwhile, I jubilate to my bountiful literary harvest

Far-reaching words are at the tip of my tongue

Much like when I explore all your unseen bits

I promise, I never meant for any of this to sound erotic

It just tends to happen when you make a habit of being honest.

 

Look how considerate I am, 

Even skipping a line to let you catch your breath,

I run in parallel with a calmness 

Born from poetry and I being bound in marriage

I called myself a failure, but poetry was not having it

Master of the art, showing me how to repurpose

All of the Ls projected. Flipping them on their axis

Like another casual game of Tetris

Forming a continuous line, that in due time

Cancels itself out.

 

Still don’t believe in my prowess?

Tread the surface I ink for your enjoyment

A Mobius strip – It doesn’t matter where you begin

With each piece, with each end

I’ll keep you in the perceptual present.

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: AngelGanev 

 

There will be more recordings like this in the future. Mostly depends on the length of the poem itself. I will also record poems I have done in the past; if you have any, in particular, you wish for me to voice please let me know.

Thoughts Like A Theme Park (Part 2) will be coming out tomorrow. For those interested in part 1 you can read it right here

Zugzwang.

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This is one of those poems that serve as my palate cleanser. I feel the urge to shout, but doing that leaves me exhausted. So instead, I just combined past and present frustrations into one amalgamation. After all, writing is what I do best.

Also, there’s a separate recording at the end of this post. A follow up to my last one.

 

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It goes without saying, right?

That what I say to you

Doesn’t need to make sense 

For it to be considered true.

 

You are bound by the world’s rules

You are at peace with a narrow corridor being

The best representation of your psyche.

 

I write about me, more than I write about you

I encumber the page with my struggles,

Involuntarily writing your name in the margins

The teacher always told me to show my working.

Lo and behold, that’s where you are,

In the humdrum of the equation; you are the sum of its parts

I seek answers, and yet, to no one’s surprise

You are the number that makes the problem clearer; easier. 

 

I welcome perspective, but yours I would forever take in doses

I’m not being harsh for simply showing the side you so thoroughly wish to see,

Needling me, with your unrestrained insecurities;

You are an insatiable vampire. Feeding off energy.

Trust me, I know mine is a unique treat.

But that drop is all you’ll ever get out of me.

 

Your words lost their weight a long time ago

Your influence on my life rings hollow.

You can no longer do as you please,

Your attempts to manipulate

Have about as much clinical efficiency as homeotherapy.

 

Seek your value elsewhere;

You are not my friend.

You are not my family.

You,

Are an example.

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: RHADS

 

An example of what some might ask? An example of what I don’t want to be associated with. You can’t claim to have a healthy mindset when you make conscious efforts to be toxic. Either you’re stupid, or you think those around you are stupid. 

I don’t need drama.

 

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The recording I promised in the last post. I talk about whats been happening these last few months. Pretty lengthy, check it out if you want:

 

12 minutes.

Update No.5 *Recording Included*

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Small status update.

Indeed, I have a voice too. If you had yet to hear it, well, here it is. There are many other posts I’ve voiced in the past; for those interested.

4 minute listen

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: RHADS 

Conversation(s) *recording included*

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Another day. Another recording.

In this segment, I talk about the process I use when choosing conversations to be a part of.

Which conversations do I consider worth my time?

As always, if you have any questions or thoughts, I’d love to hear them 🙂

 

– O.D. ©2019

 

Art by: Aenami

Returning Reason(s)

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We can call this a status update or anything else you find more soothing. All I know is I had to record something as soon as I got home.

Use earphones if you can 🙂

 

For anyone interested Reason(s) 1 – 7

 

Also, ask me anything. Would be nice to finally have that Q & A

 

– O.D. ©2019

 

Art by: GUWEIZ

Flow (Part 2) *Recording Included*

 

Here is the link to Flow (Part 1)

 

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Now for the long-awaited Flow Part 2.

Number of people extremely excited about this: 1 (Me)

Decided to return to it with a bang. This time I addressed the whole manipulator issue in a recording (you may notice a small difference with my previous recordings 😉 ).

I briefly talk about the various types of manipulators I have come across in my life.

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Art by: AppleSin

 

12 minutes.

 

Manipulators I mentioned in the recording:

*The Scorekeeper  – “I helped you that other time, so you have to help me now”

 

*The Fearmonger – “Do what I say, or I will make your life a living hell”

 

*Triangulators    – “It’s us against the world. There’s no one but me you can trust” (This and Fearmonger really get to me)

 

*Gaslighter          – “You don’t remember saying those words because you’re not the one who got hurt. But I remember you saying them, so it’s true”

 

*Ultimatums      – “Honestly, the only way I see you having fun this weekend is if you come to my party. You know you’ll be bored at home”

 

As always, comments are welcome 🙂

Rambling #2

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By me

*A Method To The Madness*

That’s the title I gave the poem I was supposed to post today, reasons as to why I didn’t end up doing so are outlined in the recording. Also, just a small update.

I used one of my headsets to record the audio and the volume may be a bit low for others; I recommend using earphones 🙂 . Next time I’ll try and use my phone’s mic instead.

4 minutes 

Depending on the mood I might just write something right now.

 

– O.D. ©2018

Apathy.

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(Voice note included at the end)

*

Please, speak your piece

Vent your frustrations with the world

From now, till the end of time.

*

Lie, exaggerate, anything

To present yourself in the most graceful light

Blame the world for your choices 

Deny responsibility; one, if not all,

Just do yourself a favour

And leave me out of any attempts

To feed your self-serving mentality.

 

– O.D. ©2018

 

Art by: Erisiar

 

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I am going through so many changes in my life, I feel like I have stopped talking to a large fraction of people I used to on a daily. When I was younger, my aunt told me not to be surprised when I suddenly drift apart with friends or even family members as I grow; I thought that would never happen to me. However, looking at where I stand now, I am inclined to agree with her. Note that this has nothing to do with friends or family pushing my buttons (not entirely anyway) but conflicting values.

Perhaps when I was young and unemployed with little to no responsibility I could bear the brunt of one of my friends being unnecessarily competitive. I could stomach a family member trying to tell me the best path to life because I was too afraid to take the reins and fail. I could spend an entire afternoon in an inconsequential debate guided by the need to win rather than actually being progressive, but everything has changed now. I do not have the time to be that carefree with my approach to life anymore. It was a choice to let go of those values that (personally) gave me nothing and instead focus on values that bring the best out of me.

Not everyone welcomes change when it occurs, or when you are trying to work on yourself to become better. Because at times that means you are willing to forego activities and personality traits that may have made you close to certain people to begin with. But when all is said and done, self-betterment is not about making sure everyone else is okay with it (goes without saying that any form of self-betterment should not come at the risk of putting other peoples lives in danger).

I just find it a little odd that at this stage in my life I still have to contend with a family/friend telling me they have a grand revenge strategy in mind to get back at someone who hurt them. And as soon as they hurt whoever it is, they go ahead and say that its the persons’ fault for starting it. And yes, it may be their fault, but is perpetuating the situation truly the solution? It’s these conflicting values that push me away. I don’t mean to sound elitist but if these values work for you that’s great, but for me, no.

Instead of hurting peoples’ feelings and calling them out, I distance myself. Having gone through similar situations in the past I know how hostile some people can become when you tell them that they are lying or being hypocritical e.t.c. Yes, I know no-one is perfect, but that does not mean I have to put up with toxicity or leeching because you are a long time friend or even family.

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3 minutes 60 seconds (adjust your volume before listening, just in case 🙂 )