I like to look at all of my readers as my buddies, so I’m going to share a secret with you. Half of it is in the title. If I’m being honest, you probably won’t like me by the time you’re finished reading this post. And that’s exactly what makes this post the perfect share.
I’m sick and tired of people pretending to be perfect on WordPress. I’m not perfect (duh) but more than just saying it — I’m looking to show you in which ways I’m not.
Let me lay the foundation here to maintain transparency and help you understand my headspace regarding this decision I made years ago (to not read breakup texts).
I’ve been in a number of relationships, most of them ended poorly, and others ended on a bittersweet note. I was completely in the wrong in some and in others? Well, it wasn’t necessarily clear who was to blame. Despite all that, I like to take accountability for every contribution I made to all eventual debacles.
You might not know this about me, but I am extremely patient when it comes to mistakes and misunderstandings. The reason for my patience stems from having a high tolerance. The reason I have a high tolerance is entirely rooted in my upbringing and profession.
(My patience, however, doesn’t extend to the more egregious personality types that have reached the nadir of irrationality)
The reason I don’t read breakup texts is simple; there’s literally no reason for me to do that. But of course, that’s not a satisfying answer, so we’ll go deeper.
I made that decision early on in my life based on a number of factors:
1) You didn’t listen to me, so why should I listen to you?
For the Strawman: Petty? Maybe. But let’s explore that backwards logic. If ignoring them because they ignored me is “petty” on my part. What do you call it when I was ignored? Perfect? <<Put this paragraph on a sticky note, place it on your door and read it anytime you need a reminder of your neuronal blindspots>>
I don’t like conflict. In fact, I go out of my way to avoid it. It drains me. However, I don’t mind sitting down to solve a problem. I’m always up for that, assuming the other person is willing to do it calmly.
If you decide it’s time for us to breakup because I’ve become withdrawn due to your actions, that’s not my issue. I became withdrawn because engaging with you was costing me my mental health.
I’ve rarely come across people who argue their point whilst critiquing it in the same breath. That’s how I personally like to argue my position. Instead, when I often bring about my point (critiquing its flaws along the way); the other person (of the highly neurotic variety) use my own self-critique as evidence and a cudgel to drive their own flawed point home.
Hello? Aren’t we trying to build a synthesis here? If your aim is to “win” an argument. You’re arguing incorrectly (Unless you’re in debate club) but relationships aren’t debate club, dove.
When you’re (1) Difficult to reason with– (2) Expect me to listen when you don’t — and then (3) We breakup as a result. Hell yes, I’ll ignore your messages; what do you have to say in a final conversation of the many we’ve had that you won’t say again?
2) Breakup Messages Are Sometimes Too Long.
Look, if I needed someone to draft The Bible 2, I’d let you know. Keep it succinct, alright? Otherwise, I’ll give it a hard pass. You’ve already plagued me by having me hogtied to your reality.
Do us both a favour and just cut to the bone. I can take it.
Writing paragraphs upon paragraphs like you’re writing the Illiad. Are you trying to convince me or yourself that this is the best decision moving forward?
I know its a good decision. Do you? Just end it.
3) It’s The Same Song And Dance. And It’s Not Even Interesting.
If we’ve known each other a long time, years even, there’s nothing you’re going to say that’s going to make a difference. And if it will, why wait till the last conversation? Even more reason to leave that message ignored.
Enduring a relationship of word salads was good enough for me, I don’t need a To-Go bag to really seal the deal.
No, that bag is for you. Enjoy.
4) We Had Already Broken Up, You Just Didn’t Know It.
“You know what [name], this O.D. guy doesn’t sound like a good person” *unfollow*
(Side note: I never said I’m here to be liked, I’m only here to be honest — flaws and all — that’s a far bigger move than most are willing to offer here on WordPress. You’re anonymous and can’t even be honest. Afraid of being judged; it’s ridiculous.)
As I mentioned above, I don’t like conflicts with volatile personalities prone to shouting and foaming at the mouth. But a part of me doesn’t like abandoning people either. Some part of me always believes that every human has a light in them, and that tends to backfire.
So sometimes, as a defense to my sanity, I emotionally check-out from the problematic types. Particularly with people I hope will “change”; people I’ve known for a while. And when these types come at me for not being as bubbly or jovial and use that as an excuse to finally pull the plug, I’m like. “Good. Would’ve been too much work anyway”
To Balance The Scales.
I’ve since done a better job at choosing who I associate with because I’m partially to blame for even giving these people my time. Got rid of most of them in 2022. And I’m proud of myself for that. Took a lot of work, but I sorted through the crippling self-doubt and started to take control of my life. Stopped making excuses for people, far more than before.
In the present, it’s no longer a case of Not reading breakup texts from family, friends and paramours. It doesn’t get that far.
It’s instead become about me not ENDURING nonsense. If you’re curious to know what I define as nonsense, well, that’s what the rest of my blog is for. Get to reading 😉
– O.D. ©2023
Art by: tatasz
12 Replies to “I Don’t Read Breakup Texts.”
As always my guy cuts his steak into digestible pieces these opinions are not vegan hahahaha… Shout out and more power
When you made point number one, I was like, hey! someone else who talks/reasons/argues like me! yes! I knew I couldn’t be alone in this: “…people who argue their point whilst critiquing it in the same breath. That’s how I personally like to argue my position… I often bring about my point (critiquing its flaws along the way)…” This debate style has been the beginning of the end in far too many encounters… or was it too many? If we cannot communicate on the same level or some semblance of the same level, what have we, then??
Do you think its a case of not being able to separate themselves from their arguments i.e. Ego?
I’d say it is because most people aren’t able to step out of the emotional aspect. I’m not saying we should forgo emotions. I’m saying there’s a time to… compartmentalize (for lack of other word) emotions so that one can use logic primarily. Like in the case of intelligent debate or disagreement. I’ve been accused of being “stoic” and “detached” during such interactions. But the thing is, emotions color logic.
So, yes, I guess you could call it “ego” and an unwillingness to set it aside.
I also find there is wisdom in admitting one can be wrong, but still also admitting this is where logic takes me (for now at least).
I relate to how you mentioned you are perceived as stoic and detached. I think most people don’t realize the danger of leaning on emotion entirely.
It’s like this cocktail chaos that could quite literally take someone in any number of directions. Directions that are not only dangerous to the individual but those around them. A kind of reptilian brain response, entirely perceiving all forms of “resistance” (in our case a legitimate argument) as a threat to be dealt with lol
How does one survive during such encounters; especially when there’s no escape? Sometimes walking away isn’t really an option😅
I don’t have a “healthy” answer for how to survive because I am in a relationship with someone just like we are discussing. Like you said, sometimes there isn’t an escape and you just deal with it because the reality is, we cannot be 100% selfish and only concerned about ourselves.
Wisdom here. After something is over, there is no point in rehashing except to cause more drama. Like you, I hate drama, so I don’t engage once I’m done with someone 🙂
Lol Right? You just know they want one more shot to really LAY IN the DAMAGE 😹
Definitely. Made that mistake in 2017 when a guy wanted to explain why he ghosted me on the previous Thanksgiving because of ALL MY FAULTS. Geez. I would have been so much better off never talking to him again…
I have always felt you are honest and there is no bullshit about you. Got to admire that. And as for reading Breakup texts? Why do that? Why chew yor cabbage twice. Anyway I enjoy your sometimes brutal honesty. It is what makes me want to read your posts. Reality is here and is seldom found elsewhere on Social Media .
Thank you so much Anne. I truly appreciate you ☀️
(Made my day ✨)