I’ve been working on my cocktail of emotions and chemical imbalances
I’ve been working on feeling less subsumed into you
Wondering whether I’m justified in thinking of you the way that I do
— Whether I’ve done enough soul-searching to validate this love trip.
Excuses — Truth is, I believe I could love you in ways outside the knowable
Applying novelty to the core of our theoretical relationship
Turning it into known reality with the proficiency of a fluent newscaster;
Converting doubters to believers like prosperity pastors and preachers.
I don’t just like, I put skin in the game and love deeply.
Enough to touch the sea floor and then more, unearthing hidden gems
Cut and polish them till they give an intergalactic glare
Even after all that I’d go ahead and throw them away,
Simple, because no matter the appraisal
They’d never be good enough.
The things I would do for you leave me terrified;
I’m the type to write — and write — and write about you
Slide pieces your way like the Queen’s Gambit
Till I have no recollection which version of the two is you.
My mind tells me to stop — Stop, young lion
So much for that ephemeral high, it was good while it lasted;
Insight reins in my heart how a shepherd would their sheep.
I work better when distractions are not central to my reality.
In the face of human suffering, the world has many illusory antidotes.
To maintain my sanity, I refuse to make you one of them.
– O.D. ©2022
Art by: Pegaite