When someone gives you pain
Don’t focus on the why —
Focus on the what.
The why is irrelevant
They did what they did. It’s done.
There is no shortage of answers
You already have what you need.
– O.D. ©2022
Art by: Vetyr
Emotional abuse often leaves victims ruminating over what they might have done wrong to the abuser. Victims are left trapped, trying to imagine all the ways they could have fixed things.
I’m here to tell you that’s not your job.
If Steven steals your candy even though you told him not to, don’t get sucked in by the why. Motivations are flimsy, moldable and easy to manipulate.
Getting to the true motivation behind Steven’s actions requires a level of trust that’ll already be missing by that point.
Look at the what; that’s empirical evidence. None can deny it.
I believe knowing the why is the cherry on the cake, not entirely necessary — but in many ways aesthetically pleasing.
The why is neatly packed closure. And we don’t always get closure — in this way, I believe closure is a luxury.
Some people have a series of behaviours that can’t be explained. And it’s not your job to try and fix them. Just leave.
O.D. 
Such good advice! Sometimes the “why” is simply because they could… and there’s no way to have a healthy relationship with someone who will always behave selfishly if they can. It’s not our job to police them when we can walk away instead!
You said it perfectly Paula:
“Sometimes the why is simply because they could” —
but you know empathic people have a harder time walking away because they seek greater meaning. So loyal that they can’t accept the reasoning to be that simple.
I do… I was married for 20 years 😞
To be honest, I’m genuinely afraid of marriage for similar reasons. Being trapped with a monster, it’s damaging to the soul.
There is so much freedom to be found in “letting go”. Releasing our grip on the false idea of control. The only thing we can really truly control is our own self. Everything and everyone else… we can’t. Trying to control everything/one around us only leads to pain and heartache.
This letting go includes the need to know. As you mentioned, sometimes you’ll never the reason. Sometimes there IS NO reason. People aren’t always reasonable or logical. The thing is to acknowledge and move on (or walk away as said before).
Hard agree Tara, I love what you said there, “releasing our grip on the false idea of control”
I think that part keeps a lot of people tied down as you said. Wisdom ☀️
You are right – the WHY doesn’t change anything. I think when you don’t focus on the WHY you begin the healing.
Exactly! ⭐️