Why I Make A Good Friend.

“Oh my god no! By selling yourself as a good friend you’ve just shown how you’re anything but!”

And you know what, you’re kinda right. It’s like that situation when someone says “You can trust me” as if you’re meant to implicitly intuit they’re trustworthy.

See, if you read the title without choosing to go any deeper, you’ll likely come to the conclusion that I’m fishing for validation. That’s a valid assumption, and you’re welcome to take it — I don’t argue over wrong assumptions.

However, if you want to read and find out why I’m making this bold claim, the doors are open.

Disclaimer: I believe there are many variations of good friends — archetypes, if you will. All of them are necessary in their own way. I won’t be speaking about all of them. I will only be speaking about my own variation and what it brings to the table.

#1 – I Won’t Pamper You

I respect your autonomy and abilities as a human being; you’re living, just as much as everyone else. You don’t need my supply of good words to keep on being awesome. Also, point #3 already has you covered. No need to abuse it.

Note: Also, don’t pamper me, there’s nothing I find more insulting — which obviously isn’t an open invitation for you to go on the other end of the spectrum and be an a**hole. To be fair, if you apply this kind of semantic voodoo to your reasoning we’re likely not friends.

I’m not in the habit of making friends with noise.

#2 – I Will Never Rely On You

It’s important to define what “relying” means in this specific context. I won’t depend on you. For anything. 

Ask for help? Sure. I may want help with something — but I won’t make you an arbiter over the matter. That’s a personal rule I apply to everyone.

This is good.

Because it means we’re not friends out of a desire for resources. We’re friends because we chose each other to be friends.

No transactional bias — Well, no conscious transactional bias at least. (Read the postConversation Economies And Vanity Trapsfor added context).

#3 – I’ve been told I’m a Healer

One of the many reasons I don’t pamper is because I’m a natural pamper-(rer) (?)

The problem I’ve often noticed is that when I sometimes help pull someone out of their rut; they expect me to be able to do that every single time. I obviously can’t.

There’s a transference of energy from myself to the other person every time this happens, because in helping I make that person a priority. I will share what I’ve observed about them and act as a counter-weight to their spike in depression. I won’t tell them nice things just for the sake of it; I will deep dive with them into a kind of mind-melding.

It’s a big responsibility, but I take it on when I care enough to call someone my friend. Otherwise no. It’s not my job.

#4 – I Care Enough To Call You Out

I do, I really do. I’m careful with how I approach it too.

We need to be on the same page so you notice I’m not trying to attack you. Only help.

Sometimes my approach is not perfect, I’m human. However, the reason stays the same. I’m trying to help you avoid making the same mistake again.

I’m calling you out because I actually care. It takes effort doing something like that because:

1) I need to tell you where I’m coming from.

2) Why I’m choosing to tell you now .

3) Potentially prepare to debunk your rebuttal (which is often a waste of time because I don’t speak on others unless I’ve taken time to observe them thoroughly) but I’ll do it anyway because you’re my friend.

Now, If I just let you be a problem …

Should tell you where we stand on the friendship-o-meter.

#5 – Open Minded Doesn’t Even Begin To Describe ….

Do you like anal? Do you like BDSM? Do you like writing fanfic of how the princess kisses the frog — it doesn’t turn into a prince — but she has sex with it anyway?

Do you have specific political leanings? Do you dress to keep society happy though you’re a nudist? Do you believe the Earth is flat? Do you think Santa is real? Have you spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out if you can communicate with your cat with different meow inflections?

Listen, I don’t care. Do your thing.

I only have a few exceptions. Don’t make fun of other people; particularly the ones who’ve done nothing wrong to you. You have your oddities. I have mine. What makes other people’s oddities so different (minus crime-related).

And don’t derive pleasure from other peoples suffering. It’s very telling.

#6 – You Don’t Need To Know I’m Not Listening

Scenario: You’ve had a hard day. All you can think about is sharing it with someone.

Enter – Le O.D.

So you gush about Steve at work and how he’s not doing his part in the group project and how your boss is

*bzzzzt*

I’m gonna zone out, sorry. BUT, you don’t need to know that part. You just need a sounding board. You just need the impression that someone is listening.

The part where I come in is when you ask for advice, I can offer that. But as your friend, you need to understand, the complaining part isn’t really helping. What you actually need, is a solution.

And from one friend to another, you don’t want to subjugate me to your personal hell, do you? I mean, that’s kinda cruel when you think about it lol

“Here, listen to my BAD day. Listen to every detail and feel how I feel about my BAD day”

And now that I’ve said this, a lot of people that I know IRL are going to be making sure I’m listening when they start their Rube Goldbergian rants. But I have some bad news for you:

It only proves how compliant you are to my suggestions. Please be yourself.

And thanks for reading.

#7 – I Know A lot, But Not Enough To Save The World (Search: “What Is A Genius?” for further clarification).

I’m not even gonna be humble about this. I love how intelligent I am. In the realm of friendship, I can help with creative problem-solving. I happen to be really good at it. I can also make you laugh when I feel like it.

Please stow away the pitchforks. I haven’t cashed in a single brag chip this year. This is it. Let me have it. It’s like — what — one paragraph?

Lol Don’t be greedy, Reader.

Besides, I have an ego-death coming soon.

#8 – I Would Probably Die For You

“Probably” — don’t get too excited.

*********

Be good friends to your friends.

They chose you for a reason.

Choose them back, or don’t choose them at all.

Just don’t waste their time.

– O.D. ©2022

Art by: ArthurHenri

5 Replies to “Why I Make A Good Friend.”

  1. I tend to agree with your list. Speaking from personal experience, I know some of those items aren’t… “PC” in today’s world.. but that’s okay, I don’t suppose I really want to be friends with mainstream folks anyway. 🤷🏼‍♀️

    I like this list. I can honestly say I’ve never really sat down and (in depth) thought about which attributes make me a “good friend”. I mean, one here or there, but not a real list like this. Great thoughts.

    1. Lol PC radicals strike me as warmongers of language. It’s really hard to argue and reason with people that take implications and supposed inferences as fact. This list came to me when I was thinking of how I’ve come across a lot of lists regarding what people want. I chose to invert it. I am showing what I offer as a friend instead lol feels more organic to me personally. (btw I just finished recording, can’t wait to hear your thoughts when I post it later today) 🙂

      1. Warmongers of Language is a perfect description, OD. I’m so non-pc it’s not even funny.

        But what IS funny was ready your list of… let’s call them “quirks” which you are totally okay with disagreeing on and me seeing a couple that are me. Like you, I can be friends with folks I disagree heartily with, as long as there is respect… though there are a few hard ‘no’s’ from me which I am absolutely intolerant of, and quite unapologetically. I stand firm on my principles and I won’t apologize for that.

      2. I believe, like yourself, that there are principles that we should have that are not at all flexible. Being open minded allows us to accept new possibilities and know which doors need closing, because not everything has practical use or value.

        For me, It’s people who say the N-word to me, I can never trust them ever again. It’s a boundary crossing that’s so out of bounds. Like, you don’t need the n-word to communicate, it’s not like telling people to stop using “and” in their sentences, you know.

        I also believe our principles allow us to stay centered.

        The respect you mentioned, is an absolute must. Jokes can be had, with respect. It’s easy to tell when someone is unironicallly putting others down to bring themselves up, for instance.

        We should host a TEDtalk.

        And

      3. We should Totally host a TEDtalk.

        And I use and a lot. For me, like the comma or ellipsis, it can be an effective literary device. How cold and calculating to describe it like that… but it is. When done right.

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