Apart from people automatically assuming you’re gay? Everything as an a-sexual is fine lol. I don’t have a problem with gay people (obviously) but it’s annoying when my lack of a sexual appetite leads people to conclude I’m gay.
Because its unfathomable in their tiny little minds that someone can live without craving sex.
Please don’t embarrass yourself by assuming this. I like to believe we’re all a little more aware. But I suppose I’ve been guilty of thinking some things are common knowledge in a world full of diverse individuals.
— the other day I was accused of being “too woke” for simply checking on a co-worker who seemed sad. That my generation is too obsessed with how people feel and that we’re too sensitive. The guy was obviously sniffing his own pheromones, I think he just didn’t like someone other than him receiving attention.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with checking whether someone is okay. And it shouldn’t hurt anyone else in the vicinity when we care about other people’s feelings. Right?
Well “Wrong!” according to them.
Point is, our world is full of all types — I’m open to toxic people existing — there’s nothing I can do about that. I just try not to stick around them any longer than I have to.
Going back to my experience with A-sexuality.
It’s important to note that I’m one of many on the spectrum of a-sexuals. There are A-sexuals who only desire sex when they are emotionally attuned with their partner. There are a-sexuals who are virgins and have no desire of ever experiencing sex.
I fall in the camp of those that have had sex but simply don’t find it enjoyable.
I want to touch on some of the misconceptions people often have about me as an A-sexual. Stick around, you might just learn something.
Misconception #1 – I’m not waiting for Ms. Right
It won’t take Ms. Right to change my mind on this. I’ve had enough sex to know I don’t enjoy it. Where others find pleasure in having sex with their partner; I find a nuisance.
I would rather do anything else than have sex — like entering VR or pretending to understand everything Nietzsche.
Misconception #2 – It’s not out of trauma
Sex, when you’re participating (and not enjoying) looks and feels incredibly sloppy and ridiculous. Just two independent nervous systems covered in sweaty flesh, rubbing and thumping against each other.
Perhaps my first sexual experience was terrible…
And then the next one …
And then the next one …
And then the next one …
And then the — you get it. They can’t all have been sequentially terrible. And I’m not about to have sex again just to confirm if I really, really, don’t like it.
It took time but I just had to admit to myself that’s it’s okay not to enjoy sex as much as everyone else. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Wanna know what’s wrong? Ridiculing anyone who doesn’t share your voracious sexual appetite.
Perhaps if you weren’t obsessed with your next lay you’d be attending to your fugue state of causality problems. But don’t worry, I’ll do the thinking for the both of us.
Misconception #3 – I don’t hate sex.
“You don’t!? But you just said –“
Relax. I may not enjoy sex, but I understand it’s value from a purely utilitarian perspective. We need reproduction for the human species; and if all of us were a-sexual then that would be a massive “yikes”.
I don’t mind reading or even talking about how much someone may enjoy sex. Just don’t go out of your way to ask me what I think about sex unless you’re looking for a counter-weight.
Misconception #4 – I get attracted too
Not obvious, but I have my own preferences. I notice when a lady has nice eyes or beautiful lips or hair. My thoughts however, don’t deviate towards kissing said lips.
I appreciate features how I would a rosy sunset. From afar —through a telescope — stalking your room from across the street.
That was a joke.
I hope 😉
Misconception#5 – Wow. So you’re A-sexual? How does it feel?
I find this question funny because it’s often asked as if I have a condition that needs fixing.
You know, I could also ask how it feels to do the sloppy-mish-mash-under-the-covers thing.
I was curious about sex — had it. And when I was done with that fleshy disaster, some part of me wished I hadn’t.
If you’re curious how life is as an a-sexual, I can tell you that there’s a lot of clarity. You have to realize it’s a little difficult admitting to yourself (especially at a younger age) that this thing most people around you enjoy, isn’t fun for you. That there’s nothing wrong with that.
Sharing this here means I’m done with the heavy lifting. It’s something I’m now at peace with.
I do think if someone enjoys sex they should dive right in and have a blast. I’m not trying to shame anyone who does by saying all of this.
What I’m more interested in knowing is what your experience has been with other a-sexuals you’ve met. Pleasant? Unpleasant? Indifferent? Let me know.
– O.D. ©2021
Art by: mynameistran