File The Ocean.

A bead drops. Forms ripples on the surface of a calm ocean.

Ripples that travel far are often consumed

By currents and waves of seismic origin.

The bead is a voice — the ripple is reach.

The currents and seismic waves are trends and “predominant” chatter

The ocean is the universe — formless in it’s totality.

Calmness is often short lived — but my joy persists

After all, my inner joy isn’t derived from having the loudest voice

But from having a whisper that can bend my part of the universe.

– O.D. ©2021

Art by: RHADS

Rambly rant-ish something incoming

Schopenhauer’s philosophy says the world is made up of will and representation. The TLDR for that reference is, I learnt long ago that if I don’t think for myself; someone will think for me. The worst part is when you’re not even aware of this.

It’s easy to fall under someone else’s will. One of the key triggers — from what I’ve witnessed — is fear. If you’re afraid of doing your own thing or pursuing your own dreams, you’ll most certainly live someone else’s.

As someone who chooses a solitary life, I hardly get influenced by anyone. Not that they ever get the chance to. This is not a system that works for everyone — but it works for me. I accepted a while back that everyone (including myself) sucks. So I’d rather skip all the show boating and get to the part where they drop all pretense. That’s easier to achieve when you ask straight-forward questions and give straightforward answers in return.

As an avid researcher, I’m rarely ever impressed. I consider that a gift; helps me stay objective. I want to know what sucks about you so I know whether I can tolerate it in my space or not.

Harsh calculus? Probably. But it’s necessary for the foundation of my well-being.

I often surprise myself with how little I need from people. And maybe it hurts those that get to know me romantically; that no matter what they offer — I can still go on without them. Yes, that little tid-bit has done wonders from my love life lol of which there is none. It’s a fundamental fact, everyone is a visitor. So why deify them?

Yeah — Trust me — I know.

No well-meaning mother should ever allow their daughter to date me lol

My family often jokes saying I’m very rigid. As much as I love them, they’re wrong. Their capacity to judge my rigidity is based solely on me not bending to their will. I just have very firm boundaries — cross them, and well — adios, I guess. My Father and Aunt often call me self-sufficient, which is a more apt description. I understand the utility people provide through their varying (often unresearched) opinions and their different frames of reference… but let’s not pretend I’ll die because Susan didn’t give me a hug.

I can see how easy it would be to misunderstand my seemingly cold exterior. Last year I got into trouble for not smiling enough. It’s polite to smile, it makes you “appear” friendly …I get that. However, I’m not trying to appear anything apart from myself; flaws and all.

Who knows. Maybe I’m just bad at smiling.