I want to cut to the bone and say “I left because I was tired”. But that’s a lame answer; hardly indicative of what was going on in my head.
If you’ve been an avid reader of mine I feel I owe you this much. One doesn’t just drop this bomb and not at least offer a reason why.
I left because I was getting too close to my writing. It’s hardly a secret how much I love creating but… it was a getting a little too, unforgiving — to myself and others.
I still believe in writing for myself, speaking what I believe to be true — but I don’t believe in being masochistic about it. I know some people enjoy that I leave no filter (that’s not going anywhere) and others enjoy my poetry without the accompanying soliloquys. I get that too.
I noticed I was getting a little too absorbed in my work when I stopped giving warnings about the rants that would follow. The reason I give warnings to my rants is to inform readers of what’s to come. And because I was blinded by rage or a depression spike, I stopped doing that. Totally my fault, I’m sorry. I should have been more responsible, and I’m certainly better than that.
Writing is my outlet, and when my diary entries have the capacity to instill anxiety in others I should –at the very least warn them that there is some unsettling stuff I’m about to talk about.
As for why I left…
The above reason is one of them — I was becoming too reckless. The second? I was losing control. All I was channeling in my poetry was anger. That needed to stop. Now, that’s not to say you’ll never see me angry again, but, I prefer to channel all my emotions and not *ahem* specialize.
The third. My father was ill. Found myself distracted often and in some ways the pressure from home was making me even more unsettled. Fourth? Probably the hardest one … which I hope I can eventually have the courage to share.
I’m not going anywhere, so I ask you to be patient with me whilst I find a way to clearly express the last one. It certainly hit me harder than I initially expected. Nothing fatal, just… reality breaking. If that’s even a phrase.
I’ve got poems lined up. I hope you’ll enjoy them as much as I did writing them.
Bye.
– O.D. ©2021
Art by: snatti89
O.D. 
I missed you OD, I really really did. But I also understand needing to step away a bit. I’m glad you’re back.
Thank you Tara. I definitely missed you too.
I wished to come back sooner but I kept stopping myself because I knew I still had venom left. It’s under control (for now) we don’t know what tomorrow holds but let us enjoy now 🙂
Exactly! 💕
It’s definitely reasonable to take breaks to introspect yourself and I am glad you did. Your presence was dearly missed. I hope you and your family are happy and healthy! Welcome back!
Thanks Enigma. My father had gotten covid so everyone is my family was frantic. The ones who couldn’t sit with the pressure started becoming a little aggressive. I live very far from them so sometimes the anxiety would get to me. Couldn’t visit cause of lockdown and no air travel lol still can’t but he’s alright now. Thanks E, it’s good to be back.
I wish lots good health and happiness for you and your family. Take care! Stay safe! Stay happy and healthy 🥰💖