Ridiculousiology (3): Friendy-Fire Edition.

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Art by: snatti89 

“Is Carol from management starting to get on your nerves? Is Dave asking you to go snowboarding again even though you got frostbite on the last slope? Is Janet not getting you that cardigan you’ve been requesting for your birthday since 8th grade?

Well, worry no longer because I’ve got you covered! I just happen to carry a set of standards so absurd all your friends will finally leave you alone. Because they’ll finally get the hint. That you’re insane” 

Ridiculousiology (1)

Ridiculousiology (2)

The theme for this entire series has been about the absurdity and or the ridiculous. Absurdity in everything really: from people being ridiculously presumptuous to curbing the temptation of falsifying delusional narratives formed by other people. When we get right down to it, life is just one ridiculous mess, isn’t it?

But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s take it back a notch.

I understand how absurd everything is when you take a closer look, but today I wanted to focus on myself. What, you thought I couldn’t run a self-introspection session? I know I can be ridiculous, difficult to peg. We’re all human, we’re all flawed in some way or another. But you know what, I don’t care. I’ll never settle when it comes to friendships because one: I’m stubborn and two I’m an idiot – some would even go as far as calling me an a**hole but hey, there’s no need for that language here dear sir/madame 🙂

The thing is, I see every relationship I bridge as a chosen struggle. It doesn’t matter which one it is; they’re all the same. Better to have no friends if you know you can’t deal with that crap on a daily, because guess what, everyone and their grandma are bringing baggage.

I realize the absurdity of the situation I’m putting forward here because I’m not perfect either. But here’s the loop, I’m perfect for me because I’m all I’ve got. I came into this world alone and I will die alone. I’m not being negative; I’m just giving you a spoiler.

Getting side-tracked again … 

I’m so bad at keeping friends that the ones I had, I started calling family; it was the only way I could put order to the chaos I had started. The numbers were dwindling so fast. The kind of stuff that happens after you get an existential crisis from taking too much [redacted], really reflecting over why you keep certain people in your life despite them bringing nothing.

Family can be a pain, but there’s something of a bond there. They can p*ss you off but at the end of the day they are still your family (doesn’t exempt them from being cut off though), don’t judge me; that failsafe is necessary in case anyone gets too excited. 

I have run through many meditation cycles and all of them conclude that by traditional standards, I am a terrible friend. Oh so terrible, and I agree.

I can forget your birthday, I can afford not to talk to you for months or even years, I don’t share my personal life with you, I don’t want you near my house, I don’t want to come anywhere near yours, I’ll forget the names of your other friends as fast as you tell them  to me. And if I have a wedding (strong IF) I probably won’t invite you. In my defence, I won’t invite anyone – because, reasons.

My ‘problem’ (if you’re feeling so judgy) is that because I’ve formed a value system for myself that needs so little to keep me distracted (notice I said distracted and not happy) I somewhat expect others to have worked on themselves just as deeply. But of course, people are different, I know that. To be ‘happy’, some people want to go out with their friends, some want you to listen to their problems and assure them that everything will be fine. Some want a “happy birthday” message as soon as midnight hits. Some want a hug and a men’s or ladies night sprinkled in there somewhere. 

All of them are things that if you want, you should look for and find. We all seek different things, I just happen to demand a lot more. And maybe I do that because I don’t want anyone close, maybe by setting such a high bar, I prepare myself for disappointment. Or maybe, just maybe, I find people extremely annoying but at the same time pivotal in the formation of blog content.

The truth is, it could be any one of these things, but let’s not linger on the little details.

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Art by: snatti89 

 

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So I’ve made a list. A list of things that, if understood, should allow every one of my real-life friendships to go swimmingly. I’ve mixed genuine factors with those that carry satire. Apologies, ill-intenders, but this is far from being the fact-free party you wish it would have been. Truth is, if you know me well enough, telling apart the bits that are true and those which aren’t shouldn’t be too difficult.

I realize there’s no way anyone can adhere to all of them and stay sane. But heck, let’s do this:

  • If you start a fight, physical or otherwise, I will watch you get beaten (okay, maybe not watch – It’s not like I’ll enjoy it – but I won’t get involved). The only favour I owe you? Intervening when your life is at risk, I obviously don’t want you to die. But I will not be reeled into your battles, especially when they can easily be avoided.

 

  • Sometimes group-think is mistaken for harmony. I will put no effort into being a part of it, especially if it’s the former.

 

  • I’m a writer, words carry weight. If you are reckless in their use, you might not care but I will. What you do with them in your free time is none of my business, but overstep my boundaries and you’ll get to hear exactly what you need.

 

  • My vocabulary is expansive. Occupational hazard associated with writing and reading plenty. Don’t change up and be pretentious, trying to flex words you don’t otherwise use. No, it won’t impress me and yes, I’ll notice.

 

  • I believe in two people being similar but never the same. With that said,  don’t copy me. It doesn’t make me feel safe or understood. If anything, it makes me feel like I have two shadows.

 

  • Don’t give me artificial pressure based on trivial things that serve to benefit you. Learn to take “no” for an answer.

 

  • Don’t change who you are in the company of your love interest or other friends; especially at my expense. I will not be the brunt of your jokes and I will not adapt to your flimsy identity. Better luck in Improv theatre though.

 

  • I have a peculiar sense of humour. It’s easy to think all jokes are intended for an audience or a willing listener; especially if that’s how you function. But don’t mistake my jokes as being for you. They’re for me first, if anyone else happens to laugh, well, that’s just collateral damage.

 

  • I want you as a friend. I won’t allow myself to settle for needing you as one.

 

  • I don’t trust anyone. It may hurt hearing that but better to rip that band-aid before anyone gets too comfortable.

 

  • We don’t have to agree on everything to get along. I welcome perspective.

 

  • I don’t like inconsequential confrontations. Takes more energy to show you why you’re wrong than it does to mute your sound giving space for my imagination to run wild.

 

  • Don’t lie. Not even when you think it’s for my own good. Especially when you think it’s for my own good. I won’t see it that way.

 

  • I don’t cut people off with the snipping efficiency of a ribbon-cutting ceremony. I’m not a monster, outside of Tuesdays anyways. But, if you’re curious, keep doing what I ask you not to do and it shouldn’t take you long to find out.

 

  • You are not my responsibility (and vice versa). I’ve heard people say “good friends call each other out on their bullsh*t” and to that, I say, “Good friends don’t lie”. Except on someone’s wedding day, “Yes, Fred. You don’t look like you’re freaking out” “Yes, Fred. You are making the right decision”.

 

  • Your birthday is important to you; because of that, I’ll do my best to remember it. You can forget mine though. I mean, my birthday is special, for sure, but I don’t need presents or people to remember it to make it so. 

 

  • It doesn’t matter how special you think you are; you’ll never get the n-word pass with me (you’d be surprised how often this is a problem)

 

  • Don’t provoke me. We’re not in a zoo. Although, anyone who willingly provokes me probably belongs in one.

 

  • You don’t know me more than I do. To put what I’m saying into perspective, that’s like saying you know yourself more than I do, but you just so happen to know more about me as well. Adjust your ambitions accordingly.

 

  • Don’t make what I write about you.

 

  • I’m not secretive. I’ve just come to realize no one person can cater to every topic I wish to discuss with much-needed consistency. No one knows everything. But there are people who are better equipped to handle certain conversations. So if you hear nothing about my love life, well, you’re just not the first person I think of when I wish to talk about it.

 

  • I don’t think I’m smarter than you, you do.

 

  • Don’t worry about me feeling excluded. Chances are I’ll love the alone time. I’m extremely good at minding my own business.

 

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Art by: snatti89

If you are out there being a friend to those that constantly require love and attention. I salute you. And please, keep doing what you’re doing; because without you, they won’t have many friends they can rely on and you wouldn’t want them to be stuck with someone like me, would you? Wouldn’t last a day.

The only people I can probably call friends are here. Those that share their experience with me through this medium. We haven’t met in real life and we probably never will, and that’s fine; perfect even. Because what you show me of yourselves is enough; I don’t need to delve deeper, you’re not a coal mine in the 60s.

This might be the last piece for this series. We’ll see …

Talk later. Much love.

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Words I Wrote Sitting In The Sun’s Shadow.

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There’s feeling loved

Then there’s feeling like just another statistic

In a long cost-benefit analysis.

 

………

………

……..

 

No, your eyes do not fail you

The second verse is a complete omission;

Oh don’t be coy, you’ve always known me to be nice,

How else was I going to give you a moment to process

Why I left.

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: SeerLight

 

You can choose to love yourself more than those around you. But don’t forget (or rather be surprised) that everyone else is capable of doing the same. Just because you recently became aware of self-love, doesn’t mean the rest of the world was sitting idly waiting for you to discover it.

You are not the main character, and you most certainly have no plot armour.

If you’re Earth’s main character, I made a quote especially for you:

“All our deaths are coming, and they will be canon”

 

Ridiculousiology (3) coming soon…

Ridiculousiology (2)

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Ridiculousiology (1)

 

*****

 

I know, it’s tempting.

But upon inducting me into a contest within your mind

Refrain from accusing me of not playing fair

When you know full well I don’t play there.

 

You look at me with a competitive edge

All the while expecting me to look back

No, “friend”, instead

I look to the stars – or so you would assume, yet again

But you would be wrong. Because I look further.

How much further?

 

Well, I suppose you can tag along for this one …

 

See, whilst you hone your ability to proficiently complain

I delicately place my words to better illustrate what I mean to say.

How else, but by merging a medley of dialects to bridge the gap

Making itself at home between you and where your imagination ends.

What tethers both sides are intricately weaved analogies –

 – Metaphors, threaded with bedazzled imagery

All twisting in conjunction to help me cross your chasm –

– Of unrealized potential; ever-so-swiftly.

 

This bridge I braid into existence …

It’s a shame you can’t see it, let alone cross it

But I promise to chart parts you had yet to realize exist

And once I’m done, I’ll do what I always do;

Warp to your planet and tell you all about it.

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: snatti89

 

Moral of the poem? Don’t compete with me. You don’t know how I got my skill.

 

I am unapologetic about how good I am at writing. I don’t need your permission.

 

I’m not humble? Noted. You’ll be happy to know I don’t care about your opinion.

 

What’s that? I’m not among those you consider the best? Of course, I’m not. Because none of them are as good at being me than me. Just as much as I’m not as good at being them than them.

 

 

 

 

 

Blog Recommendations (Feb 2020)

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The list I had in mind for today was actually much longer, but I decided to cut it down so I’d be able to recommend blogs slowly over time. I figured having over 20 blog recommendations in one post would under-state the talent on display here. So over the coming months, I’ll occasionally post blog recommendations like this. With that said if you don’t see your name here it doesn’t mean I think less of your work, in fact, you may be on the coming lists. Lord knows cutting down this list was not easy.

Here is a list of the first five blogs I recommend you check out:

Anne Leunne

Paula Light

Enigma

Tara Caribou

Paul Sunstone

 

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Anne Leunne “The world is best viewed through the ears of a horse”

I’ll admit. I never knew much about horses until I came across Anne’s blog. She depicts her adventures with Biasini (who I’m also a fan of) with such vivid detail I feel never miss any of it 🙂 . I haven’t even mentioned the amazing pictures she has on her blog; some of the most immersive shots to accompany some of the best posts I’ve seen on WordPress.

Anne has a series running. Rather, Biasini has a series running called “Biasini Speaks” where he speaks to the readers. Certainly one of my faves, check it out 😀 .

 

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Paula Light “Creating order out of chaos and vice versa”

Paula is a free spirit and I love how often she surprises me with the things she writes. Paula is definitely one of the most versatile bloggers I know, she’s also very consistent with her posts.

I admire the wide range of topics she tackles on her blog with an uncompromising IDGAF attitude. Check out her series “The Monday Peeve” it’s one of my favourites.

Note: She has published a new book called “Switching positions” on kindle books. I for one am interested in seeing what it’s about.

 

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Enigma “Fire in your veins, magic in your bones, allow yourself to heal and learn to embrace your uniqueness to find a way out of this labyrinth”

Enigma, The poetess with an otherworldly surgical precision in the use of words. To be honest, there’s not much I could really say here that I haven’t already said to her a thousand times lol. Her talent with poetry can be seen and felt with each written piece. Enigma does not just write poetry, she moulds it from the ground up. Rarely do I see such meticulously designed lines and relentless investment in the art. She takes the time to make every word deliberate and that’s something I find special and truly inspiring.

Check out some of my favourite poems from her blog: 

With love from your soul

Metaphors and Paradoxes

 

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Tara Caribou“Spit, mixed with dirt – muddy words flow”

Tara expresses herself so vividly through her poetry. In fact, I feel like separating the two would be inaccurate on my part. Within her is the spirit of a fighter, a passion that burns so brightly. I come across a lot of poets that write great poetry, but rarely do I see poets that have their words weaved so intricately into the very fabric of their being.

Tara’s talents stretch beyond poetry though as she occasionally shows her skill with photography. I love the black and white aesthetic she has on them (perhaps it’s a heavy bias on my part because I happen to love well-framed black and white shots)

 

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Paul Sunstone “A blog dedicated to the joy and adventure of thinking and often spiced with humour)”

Paul is like that secret you find whilst wandering the woods of a fantasy setting. It’s a secret that leads to a world beyond imagining, a secret you are tempted to keep to yourself and not share afraid it will be tainted by the worst parts of humanity.

What I admire about Paul is that he is a firm believer of authenticity. And once I saw and felt that through his writing I knew we would get along. Also, I love his sense of humour lol

Paul dabbles in a wide range of topics, highly unpredictable and that’s my favourite part. You never really know what he’ll post next but you know it’s going to be special. There’s wisdom and plenty to learn from Paul’s blog 🙂 .

Also, check out his debut book Sunburst woman which came out recently! Excited to check it out 😀

 

I hope you check them all out 🙂

 

– O.D. ©2020

Ridiculousiology (1)

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No, I don’t think I know everything

But your reckless assumption does make one thing clear.

That I know enough

To make you think I know everything.

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: snatti89

 

… And supposing I entertain when people take their misunderstandings of me as fact. What then? Nothing. That’s what. I liken it to watching filler episodes.

Same reason I don’t take time to dispute false assumptions. I gain nothing out of it.

You think I’m cocky? Okay, great. Now let’s talk about what actually matters. Whether you’ll stop wasting time looking at me and live your own life.

As amusing as your little display is, I can’t live life for the both of us.

 

Liberated.

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The second I found poetry

I never thought of looking back

You would know. After all,

That’s where you are.

 

– O.D. ©2020

 

Art by: snatti89

 

Did you miss me? Because I missed you.