Fumbling within the clutter of a word cloud,
Losing myself with how often I re-write –
– Each line – benign, as I cater to the design
Relative and specific to each rhyme.
My words would sooner finish before my ink does.
Wait – I meant to say that the other way ’round – no doubt –
– In my eyes, as I face my beast head-on like a game of joust.
A quick jab of my lance to its chest,
Face first within the dirt –
– Is where my Goliath gets to witness the rest.
My ballpoint hovers over words that form the piece
Retroactively rendering judgement before the ink breathes
Every day for me is a class back in session
Who am I to think myself exempt from life’s lessons?
Six-figure-words deep on my journey of self-discovery,
Books, movies, different types of cheese –
– all things worthy of yet another category
All I say is “curb that need
When you start to see it bleed over to humanity”
Right on time, my persistent nihilism always entails
Death approaches me with yet another enticing flirt
Much to the irritation of my enemies
I toss the noose,
Sating sleep’s favourite cousin with thirst.
Apologies if I’ve ever looked like prey to you
A common misconception I make no time to contend with
I chuckle when they tell me they have me figured out –
– Ignorant spouts that run in parallel with the sphinx telling me
It has always had a nose for my ink
What you see – rather selectively – is what I let you see
Don’t confuse seeing the sun with discovering it.
“Fiercely independent, unnaturally individualistic,
Selfish and inept at maintaining group harmony”
Which harmony? The one you allude to when preaching to your sheep?
Take a close look at my wings, tell me,
Do they look like they were made for the cage?
Some choose to lead, some choose to follow
Some realize life goes deeper,
That life is not so simple, not so hollow
There is no we; just you and me
No absolute freedom but the best illusion of it
Happiness being a series of exceptional distractions.
I rein in my morbid thoughts because I respect your idea of peace
I haven’t seen everything, but I’ve seen enough to know what I want
And what I want is to live my life
Saying what I feel
Without having to worry if it sounds right.
Ask yourself what emotional turmoil I’ve had to go through
To accept depression as my most trusted companion
And not the company of those that call me family or friend.
– O.D. ©2019
Art by: JoeyJazz
2 Replies to “Morbid.”
Depression as your most trusted companion. Hmmm….I was there many years ago with that companion. But I chose not to continue with that relationship and luckily was able to break it off. Such a wide ranging poem O.D. So many journeys of the mind here. All of them so well written.
From your posts I feel you are a gentle soul Anne. I feel anyone close to you would feel at peace being in your proximity. And that makes you a remarkable person in my eyes.
Im happy you were able to stave off depression. This is my second case of it, the first being the most damaging. I know i’ll come out on the other side but well, its a cycle 🙂