Morbid.

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Fumbling within the clutter of a word cloud,

Losing myself with how often I re-write –

– Each line – benign, as I cater to the design

Relative and specific to each rhyme.

 

My words would sooner finish before my ink does.

Wait – I meant to say that the other way ’round – no doubt –

– In my eyes, as I face my beast head-on like a game of joust.

A quick jab of my lance to its chest,

Face first within the dirt –

– Is where my Goliath gets to witness the rest.

 

My ballpoint hovers over words that form the piece

Retroactively rendering judgement before the ink breathes

Every day for me is a class back in session

Who am I to think myself exempt from life’s lessons?

 

Six-figure-words deep on my journey of self-discovery,

Books, movies, different types of cheese –

– all things worthy of yet another category

All I say is “curb that need

When you start to see it bleed over to humanity”

 

Right on time, my persistent nihilism always entails

Death approaches me with yet another enticing flirt

Much to the irritation of my enemies

I toss the noose,

Sating sleep’s favourite cousin with thirst.

 

Apologies if I’ve ever looked like prey to you

A common misconception I make no time to contend with

I chuckle when they tell me they have me figured out

– Ignorant spouts that run in parallel with the sphinx telling me

It has always had a nose for my ink

What you see –  rather selectively – is what I let you see

Don’t confuse seeing the sun with discovering it.

 

“Fiercely independent, unnaturally individualistic,

Selfish and inept at maintaining group harmony”

Which harmony? The one you allude to when preaching to your sheep?

Take a close look at my wings, tell me,

Do they look like they were made for the cage?

 

Some choose to lead, some choose to follow

Some realize life goes deeper,

That life is not so simple, not so hollow

There is no we; just you and me

No absolute freedom but the best illusion of it

Happiness being a series of exceptional distractions.

 

I rein in my morbid thoughts because I respect your idea of peace

I haven’t seen everything, but I’ve seen enough to know what I want

And what I want is to live my life

Saying what I feel

Without having to worry if it sounds right.

Ask yourself what emotional turmoil I’ve had to go through

To accept depression as my most trusted companion

And not the company of those that call me family or friend.

 

 – O.D. ©2019

 

Art by: JoeyJazz

 

Humility.

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Not a good look, not good at all,

You can’t be this good and then proceed to not be subtle about it.

No, you can’t. Not at the same time.

It’s disrespectful.

 

You can’t bear the inner strength of a Bonsai 

And let towering oaks see the result of your hard work.

Because to them, it can’t be. Oh no, no. It can’t be.

Don’t you understand?

The oaks don’t know how to do, what you do, yet.

So you can’t do it.

Not yet.

 

Like the magic school bus, they expect me to wait.

Googly eyes fiendishly seeking their guidance.

I don’t deny the genie granting you a wish,

But they failed to mention

That I’m completely omitted from the equation.

Face it. You’re no Ms Frizzle stranger, just a duplicate trying to pitch a tent

Forge a path past your skinner box and work on your self.

 

‘Cause try as you might, I won’t accept blame for your imperfections.

Given a chance, I would relocate the Bolivian flats and use them as a mirror

Reflect your sinister expression back at you on a gargantuan scale;

Maybe seeing how desperate you look would dissuade you

From further attempts at withering my flame.

 

  – O.D. ©2019

 

Art by: JoeyJazz

 

My humility does not come at the cost of making you feel comfortable. Only in knowing I’ll never stop learning from the world and others.

And yes, growing up I looooved The Magic School Bus

Something About Fear.

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I made a list of all the people I fear,

Served it as a side dish to my pet dinosaur

– That’s right – they don’t exist.

Just like that list.

 

– O.D. ©2019

 

Art by: JoeyJazz

 

Totally unrelated: 

Contrary to what my words may lead others to believe, I also have good things happen in my life. Of course noticing that would be relatively difficult considering how I always mention the negative. I’m not necessarily a negative person, I just don’t like avoiding the bad to “look” like I’m having a good time. If I’m having a good time, I’m having a good time; If I’m not, I’m not.

The 2nd of August was my birthday and one of my students gave me a cake. I was touched and completely taken off guard. I remember her asking for my birthday last year and thought nothing of it, but it seems she was planning to surprise me. Well, I was certainly surprised.

Her birthday is coming up and I have no idea what to get her. But I’ll think of something.

I’ve never really considered having children. But if what I feel for that student comes remotely close to how it feels to have a daughter? Well, let’s just say I get why some fathers become aggressive when someone inflicts harm to their daughters.

No, Seriously. How was your Day?

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Oh please, what are material pleasures to a creative like me?

What are they but a baseline; a kick-back to remind,

That there is yet a world that exists beyond, well, me.

 

What is a climax to a man who can fit existence

Into one potent and ephemeral verse, a nebula

For you to see from here to wherever on the map your dart hits.

 

Sorry – what was that? Oh, this sounds a little erotic?

Well, why not go the full mile and restrain me

Just don’t awaken a hidden kink in the process;

That was erotic too wasn’t it? Well too bad, I can’t help it.

 

Once I’ve delved this deep into a piece

Every word begins to bleed into the next

Psychedelic, like cursive, the words connect

Fishy how I get hooked. Ecstatic, yet sporadic, in how I receive and relay

The ideas that accumulate and manifest on the page.

 

Okay, enough with the showing off *ahem*

 “Dear reader, how was your day?”

 

– O.D. ©2019

 

Art by:  JoeyJazz

 

If you think I’m only messing around, read the title again.