Is it okay to test people?


I wanted to hear other peoples’ thoughts on this (Trying to stay impartial).

What do you think about people who test others to figure where they stand?


Have you tested others? Why?


Have you been tested before? how did it make you feel?


Do you think its good or bad?


Here are some of the answers I found online on various sites:

I test… people don’t like it, but I see why I do it, if they can’t and decide that it’s because I want to be malicious then they are not seeing what I am seeing and therefore I don’t care if they walk away and yell at me to stop doing it.

— Flufiang


Sometimes I test. Usually, I just try to find out as much about them as possible. Ask them “appropriate” questions then steer the conversation to something more personal.

— Stavrogin


When I was in my 20’s and 30’s I subconsciously tested people by saying something shocking or outrageous to see how they reacted. If they were weirded out by my statements I’d know they were not my type (for friendship or relationship).

Since I had an active inner world, when I chose to reveal it I was testing the water. Sadly, very few like minded people I found.

Now I don’t test, I listen and watch. Somehow some people take it as being judged, as if I was waiting for faux pas or something. Untrue. I do so to evaluate situation, to see if I should invest time in this person or not. I’ve long passed trying to build a bridge that would never have a chance to connect the two shores.

— Chanteuse


I don’t really test the people I’m with. I have high expectations for them, but I don’t invent situations specifically to test people. Just wouldn’t feel comfortable with that. Feels manipulative, like I’m trying to make someone mess up.



Not in relationships based on trust. Testing is bad for the stability of any relationship. For example if a husband is constantly testing his wife for her love for him, the relationship is doomed.

Maybe a Manager testing his employees is ok but in the long run, trust is the way to go!

— Anju Chandna


No. I do understand where this is coming from. You want to know how you are going to be received before you put yourself out there. Which means you are not willing to take a risk. Good luck with that. Risk is all around us, all the time. Being alive is a risk.

And who are you that someone else should have to prove himself to you? You’re putting yourself in the position of judge and jury. You don’t have that right. None of us does. If you believe in God, that’s his job.

The degree to which you can trust others is the degree to which you can trust yourself to recover from any disappointment. So, it’s easy to ask if you can borrow that book when the person is through with it because it’s no big deal if they say no, or say yes and then don’t, because you can get the book somewhere else. But if they promise to can complete their part of the project by this or that deadline and they don’t, it’s harder for you to fix that, so it’s harder for you to trust the person to do it.

So, if you feel you have to test someone – and I’m not talking about having the person prove themselves before getting a promotion, say – then it is yourself you lack faith in. That is not the other person’s responsibility, it is yours.

So, no, it is not okay to test people.

— Susan Scher



I have my own position but I am more interested in hearing your thoughts 🙂 Let us discuss.


15 Replies to “Is it okay to test people?”

  1. Testing and tricks and spying and lying means the relationship is already over (even if it hasn’t begun). There’s no trust possible in this scenario of deception and manipulation. Whether we’re talking friendship or romance, same thing. If you don’t care about the person and know it’s over, then sure, test them to see if you’re right about a hunch. But what difference does it really make at that point? You’ve already moved on emotionally.

    1. Thank you for your comment Paula 🙂 Testing others is a true reflection of how trust has been destroyed. If you truly love someone I feel like you would not even think about doing that. It can also be a projection of insecurity especially in romantic situations I believe. This world we live in is truly something lol

      And as you said, its best to just end things instead of being manipulative. I agree.

  2. Testing? I don’t think that is something I have done to others for a long, very long time. I will question people I am considering entering into a business relationship with and then as events unfold I don’t really need to test them. The relationship either works or it does not. In fact I think that is how I feel about personal relationships as well. If i felt someone was “testing” me I would probably ask them what they were up to and why were they doing this.

    1. Thank you for commenting Anne.

      In a professional setting I can understand the need to test potential partners and or employees initially.

      However, I want to know how it made you feel when you were tested by a friend or family member outside a professional setting.

  3. I don’t test people because It’s not even something i think about,I don’t have high expectations from people because we are all bound to make mistakes and step on each others toes either intentionally or unintentionally. So I appreciate people for their good deeds and speak out or stay mute when the devil decides to take over, why bother testing anyone when I know I will surely mess up at one point or the other.

    1. Thank you for the comment Eddaz 🙂

      I totally get what you are seeing, and I agree. I believe people should focus on bettering themselves instead of taking it upon themselves to herd others like shepherds of sorts.

      Testing others feels very elitist, like you are better and are trying to see who is on your level. So many things wrong with that but I know a few people who think its okay to do that.

      Most likely a projection of personal insecurities; Just a thought.

  4. I think Zamyatin and Chanteuse summed up how I feel. Conversations, even those at a surface level, can easily show you if you want to get to know a person further or talk more in depth with them/experience certain things with them.

    Then again, a question’s answer can be synonymous with a test’s response, depending. Great question!

    1. The moral implications associated with the entire experience are rather tricky. A person could be transparent about the testing but that does not guarantee honest results all the time. The alternative borders on subtle manipulation lol

      I asked this question because I have a friend who seems very proud of these “secret tests” and wanted to hear what others think about it 🙂

  5. testing, testing, one…two….three…..I don’t believe in testing people, I sit and watch and once they open their mouths, I find it often speaks loud and clear…..adjust sails and move on or stay accordingly 🙂 oh, and you passed by the way 🙂 ❤

    1. That may actually be the best way to go ahead with it. No manipulation, just room for them to be themselves 🙂

      Lol good thing I passed, who else would have brought me aboard the heart emoji train 😀

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