I wanted to hear other peoples’ thoughts on this (Trying to stay impartial).
What do you think about people who test others to figure where they stand?
Have you tested others? Why?
Have you been tested before? how did it make you feel?
Do you think its good or bad?
Here are some of the answers I found online on various sites:
I test… people don’t like it, but I see why I do it, if they can’t and decide that it’s because I want to be malicious then they are not seeing what I am seeing and therefore I don’t care if they walk away and yell at me to stop doing it.
Sometimes I test. Usually, I just try to find out as much about them as possible. Ask them “appropriate” questions then steer the conversation to something more personal.
When I was in my 20’s and 30’s I subconsciously tested people by saying something shocking or outrageous to see how they reacted. If they were weirded out by my statements I’d know they were not my type (for friendship or relationship).
Since I had an active inner world, when I chose to reveal it I was testing the water. Sadly, very few like minded people I found.
Now I don’t test, I listen and watch. Somehow some people take it as being judged, as if I was waiting for faux pas or something. Untrue. I do so to evaluate situation, to see if I should invest time in this person or not. I’ve long passed trying to build a bridge that would never have a chance to connect the two shores.
I don’t really test the people I’m with. I have high expectations for them, but I don’t invent situations specifically to test people. Just wouldn’t feel comfortable with that. Feels manipulative, like I’m trying to make someone mess up.
Not in relationships based on trust. Testing is bad for the stability of any relationship. For example if a husband is constantly testing his wife for her love for him, the relationship is doomed.
Maybe a Manager testing his employees is ok but in the long run, trust is the way to go!
— Anju Chandna
No. I do understand where this is coming from. You want to know how you are going to be received before you put yourself out there. Which means you are not willing to take a risk. Good luck with that. Risk is all around us, all the time. Being alive is a risk.
And who are you that someone else should have to prove himself to you? You’re putting yourself in the position of judge and jury. You don’t have that right. None of us does. If you believe in God, that’s his job.
The degree to which you can trust others is the degree to which you can trust yourself to recover from any disappointment. So, it’s easy to ask if you can borrow that book when the person is through with it because it’s no big deal if they say no, or say yes and then don’t, because you can get the book somewhere else. But if they promise to can complete their part of the project by this or that deadline and they don’t, it’s harder for you to fix that, so it’s harder for you to trust the person to do it.
So, if you feel you have to test someone – and I’m not talking about having the person prove themselves before getting a promotion, say – then it is yourself you lack faith in. That is not the other person’s responsibility, it is yours.
So, no, it is not okay to test people.
— Susan Scher
I have my own position but I am more interested in hearing your thoughts 🙂 Let us discuss.