Overlay.

Retro

The world happens to be

As dark or as colourful

As I choose to see it

A vast array of choice in pigments 

Scattered on the terrestrial palette.

 

My mother always told me to

“Love in place of anger”

An emotional overlay channelled from within

Words that echo when I think of giving in;

I stick to the established code,

For she saw in me what no one else ever did 

Until they eventually did; talent, that makes itself aware

At the centre of my journal — is where I keep my heart;

Where I keep my identity;

If I ever feel like I have failed.

 

– O.D. ©2018

 

That’s a picture of me and my mother in 1992, Alabama. A real trooper she is, always supportive and perhaps the only person on this earth I would go out of my way to make happy with no consideration for my well-being.

 

 

 

 

 

Expectations.

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Expectations of me, I sweep to the side

I have my dreams, vision; how I choose to live

Giving a damn about anything and everything

That passes my peripheral vision will

Inevitably spread me too thin.

 

Very selective about what needs my attention

Entertaining influence from the ignorant

Feeds nothing but my ignorance,

So what do I do, except sieve what I deem inappropriate;

Calm, as I take my time; settling in the design

Of my Maker’s embroidery.

 

– O.D. ©2018

 

Art by: ryky

 

Give a damn about everything and you will always feel like you’re fighting a losing battle; highly prone to fatigue. 

Whenever I feel like I am under pressure I ask myself if whatever is worrying me is going to kill me. If it’s not, I stop worrying. It may be a little tricky to switch perception like a switch, definitely takes practice. The work I do requires a certain level of emotional intelligence, and I would like to believe it has helped me improve in that department.

Its Wednesday, enjoy your Thursday. It’s almost Friday.

 

Reason(s) 6

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Reason(s) 1-5

 

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Idle in our unearthing of the devilish

Adamant in our attempts to roleplay a seamster,

Or seamstress, of grudges; sewing together life patterns

That coincide with our less than stellar moments

All to justify the evil we are yet to unveil.

 

– O.D. ©2018

 

Art by:  GUWEIZ

 

Sometimes there are no patterns. Sometimes we are looking for excuses to stay bitter/angry. It sure helps when you want to sate your conscience.

 

********

In the last Reason(s) post I asked my readers what their reasons were for being happy; here are the responses:

 

Megha’s World 

 “A smile on my loved ones”

 

*

 

Antonynah 

 “Knowing that I’m surrounded by people that actually care 😊😊”

 

*

 

rugby843  

“My sons 51st birthday today❤”

 

*

 

InfiniteZip  

“getting emails from friends after a long week of work and exercise ❤ and losing almost 7 lbs ❤”

 

*

 

Seeing those responses was certainly heartwarming and I hope we get to hear more.

During the weekend I helped one of the kids in my neighbourhood walk past a vicious dog. It’s not like I saved the world or anything but seeing how happy she was certainly made me smile.

What are your reasons to smile today? Please share in the comment section 🙂Many others including myself would love to know.

 

Shift.

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Listen, I could never claim to understand

Why you choose to be anything that is not you;

At most, I pace left and right

Trying to put myself in other peoples’ shoes, 

Not to stay, but to have a better vantage point of reality.

 

Evasive of the entrapment that blends itself with 

The thirst for endless knowledge; easy to be addicted,

Easy to believe you are the smartest in the room

When you spare no expense in telling yourself such.

 

Perhaps you can help me understand, 

While you are busy being someone else,

Who replaces your spot on that existential shift?

 

– O.D. ©2018

 

Art by: ryky

 

Storytime (so many of them these days aye?). Apologies if there is no coherence, I’m writing in one go.

A few weeks ago I started a procedure of cutting people off. Sounds harsh, I know, but it was necessary. My life was full of people that did not value themselves, people who were fine pulling superficial stunts just to stay ahead. Yes, messing around makes for a good story, but I believe I am past the age of playing games. Which is why I started to distance myself from people who were not taking the time to work on themselves. It may sound selfish, but I believe it may be the only way I become a better person. Now you may be asking where I’m going with all this, trust me, we’re getting to that.

This post is about being impressionable. Without critical thinking, we are susceptible to believe anything that has the strongest pull.

I know someone in my life who is unquestionably impressionable (let’s call them G). This trait in G transcends not only ideas, but character as well. Whenever they are not boasting about what they believe to be the “hottest” topic/idea at the moment, they are pushing forward mannerisms or word choices reflective of others (also exaggerating achievements). I raised this issue, but only once; knowing how easily I offend people at times. G acknowledged that they do at times “copy” others, and they should perhaps stick to their own identity.

Bear in mind, when I raised this issue, my intention was not to change them, but to make them aware of what I have noticed. The choice was always Gs whether they are fine with it or not. Regardless, it was a while back when we talked about it and G still exhibits the trait (again, its none of my business whether they keep it or not). If someone is fine with copying and moving along with the hottest trend it’s entirely their choice.

As if G were a Pokemon, their impressionable nature evolved. Not only were they being pretentious and mirroring the traits of those they admired, they started taking justice into their own (impressionable) hands. For example, if you stole Gs ice cream, to show you that what you did was wrong, G would steal yours. 

I have mentioned multiple times on this blog that I am not an easy person to deal with, I may rub people the wrong way with what I say. To prove this point to me, G went as far as copying me in an almost satirical way (but they were serious). Whether this approach was right or wrong I will leave that to you to judge. All I know is it made me lose respect for G. I did not see it as a case of G giving me a “taste of my own medicine” but another act of copying. Why did everything G have to offer come in the form of copying? It made me wonder who they are, who was I dealing with? G? or just another copy of me. Could they not approach me as themselves? Instead of having yet another impressionable approach to prove a point. It came across as rather juvenile, and you already know how I feel about people who imitate me (if not, read this)

In other news, I’m thinking of revisiting the Reason(s) series yet again, many people seemed to like it; so did I. 

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, spend time with those you love. Take care.

 

 

 

 

Simple.

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Its simple, 

I choose not to share what bothers me

For it would chain itself to you,

Like an anchor; sinking and seeping

Through the layers that make up the ocean

Seeking the depths, bringing you down with it.

 

I will, without a doubt, share what brings me down

When I have a better grip of the leash that restrains

The darkness within me; like a void, it goes on and on

Pushing me to do things, I would in an ideal timeline

Never think of doing.

 

– O.D. ©2018

 

Art by:  yuumei

 

To be honest, I’m just happy I could write a piece today. I feel more energy to write than I have in a while. Expect consistent poetry from my blog in the coming weeks. Oh, and make sure to enjoy the weekend 🙂

 

 

Transition.

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This piece serves as the best representation,

The best manifestation, of what exists between

The spaces that divide my thoughts.

 

Spaces that materialize

When I think of nothing, oddly enough;

These spaces are what give me peace and comfort

From my fluctuating thought process.

 

I take what little rest I can before

I enter the realm of yet another thought…

A thought that could either lead me to bliss

Or yet another day

Of driving my vessel through the mist.

 

– O.D. ©2018

 

Art by:  yuumei

 

I feel like my generation is entrenched in a culture of entitlement. Everyone feels like they have the right to something; whether it’s being happy, being loved or money. To some extent, I believe I have been guilty of this at some point in time.

However, the entitlement has made us somewhat blind to everything around us. We deserve to be happy — so anyone who brings a perspective that puts us on edge is unnecessarily being negative. Feelings have become binary, either you are feeling good, or you are feeling bad, and all we want to feel is good, no matter the cost.

When I started this blog my intent was to write about positive thoughts only, good vibes all around. In truth, there is really nothing wrong with that; but personally, it put me in a corner. There were days I would be in a bad place and I still had to keep up appearances because that was my niche. I avoided writing about the pain I may have been facing, afraid of being perceived as negative; but I eventually changed it. Never have I felt so free, everything I started writing felt more real.

What I write, though not always positive, is real. There is nothing superficial in my writing, and when I finish writing something I am more at peace knowing my readers are getting to see who I am. We all have good days, we also have bad days, but I think its best to address what may be bothering us head on instead of avoiding it entirely; just because we want to be happy. At the end of the day, those who enjoy my writing are getting to see me for who I really am instead of something I am not.

 

World Of Illusion.

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A person who thinks all the time

Leaving no room for the present

Has nothing to think about except

The rationale and validity of their thoughts.

 

In essence, they create a world out of touch

With the persistent reality;

A world, that bears no involvement

Of the people around them.

 

– O.D. ©2018

 

Art by:  yuumei

 

Introspection is necessary, so is thinking. However, everything is useful in moderation; too much of anything is not always a good idea.

When I say these things, I speak for myself. Never would I dream of telling others how to live, I just say what I feel and hope those who resonate with it get something of value.

******

The Good

When I think, I find myself in a space that only has room for me, and often this is beneficial for perspective. Noone influences my thinking when in my quiet space, and I prefer it that way.

The Bad

The only time it becomes a problem is when I stay there for so long everything else starts to feel irrelevant. I could imagine an entire conversation with someone I have yet to meet, and when I do see them, I’m already exhausted. It’s worse when I pick up patterns in others and they keep showing themselves repeatedly. It’s all I become conscious of.

*******

Noone is perfect, I can agree. The metric set by my thoughts is difficult to reach, however, I feel like lowering the benchmark devalues what I seek. If I don’t, I feel like there may be no one who reaches the standard I have set for myself (Quite the conundrum). 

Many people I talk to get annoyed or offended when I say this, but its the truth. 

I have my fair share of issues though, for example, I can’t bare assumptions; especially assumptions about why I do what I do. If you are ever to assume anything about me you’d better make damn certain you are correct, otherwise I subconsciously/consciously shut you out. Rather arrogant to assume you know others to a science when you have not yet identified who you truly are. I believe in asking when you want to know something, why? because whenever I wish to know something about anyone, I ask.

Second, I find it hard to connect with anyone who imitates me. My sister once told me I have an infectious personality, and honestly, she was right. I have plenty of mannerisms, and a way of speaking I have not yet seen in others. I believe in balance, I choose not to devote all of my energy to those who think entirely like me. Yes, at times having a like mind is refreshing; but not all of the time. In my case, it would be the same as getting stuck in a bigger “World of illusion” (Segue!), no one to challenge my established perspective on the world and whats in it. Same reason I do not believe in cliques, to me it feels like a hive mind and nothing deters me more than unbridled conformity.

Poetry, To Me.

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Poetry is like looking through a window

Seeing your oblivious form in third person, as it stares into a mirror,

Unaware of your presence, yet,

The reflection in the mirror

Stares intently at the you standing outside.

 

– O.D. ©2018

 

Art by : Soup-plz

 

 

 

Overthinking.

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Look at something long enough

And you will, without a doubt

Find something wrong with it.

 

Now ask yourself if there is indeed a blemish,

Or if you are perhaps creating one,

Because you believe nothing in the world

Holds true beauty, does that make it true?

Take time to challenge your assumptions

For it is through our thoughts

That the mind tends to give us what we want.

 

We resist unforeseen bliss; protective of our hearts

Caution, like everything else, is useful in moderation.

Deny the persistent need to find reasons

Not to be happy; we all deserve to be.

 

– O.D. ©2018

 

Art by:  chateaugrief

 

 

 

Illusion.

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The closer I get to my centre

The more it dawns on me

That what I expect to find

And what is actually there,

Are anything but.

 

I always thought the stronger I got

The more the flame at my core would rise

Pushing away the darkness

With nothing but my presence.

 

But, that is not the case

Strength is not having an abundance of light

To use against the darkness

Strength is not based on some metric between you

And whoever you think is at the top.

 

Rather, strength is finding fulfilment

 At fighting the relentlessness of the darkness

With nothing but cinder as a weapon.

 

– O.D. ©2018

 

Art by: chateaugrief